Off the crazy train?

[trytoohard]

Moving over here from separated and infidelity...here are the links to my crazy train travel log:The miracle of DB'ing

Brief history: M40, H40, D19, S16, Married 20 years this week, together 25, Sep 9/05 (I told him to leave after discovering EA) H confirmed EA/PA 7/06, D filed (by me) Oct 06, on hold at this time at both of our requests.

H and I have had some fantastic conversations since New Years Day, more than we have had in the last 15 years! H is out of state on business for the next several weeks and we have spent 2-3 hours a night on the phone since he left. H told me he told OW that he can't/won't see her anymore. OW is giving him quite a hassle however and it has been a very difficult week for us all.

I have spent alot of time in prayer over the past 16 months and turned my sitch over to God, let my H go and really detached as I continued counseling and GAL. Following DB principals all the way. I offered to go to our farm with H last weekend to help him get the house ready for new renters, H happily agreed. I prayed for guidance as to how I could best help our relationship and the Lord kept impressing me to "be a friend. Tell him about me and be a friend". So that is what I did. H opened up and told me volumes about OW, he and OW's relationship, how things started and progressed, his guilt over everything that has happened and light switch moment when he just knew that what he was doing was wrong. Let me tell you, if someone had told me a year ago that I would have spent 3 days listening to my H tell me about OW and watching him openly mourn the loss of their relationship, I would have told them they must be smoking something. Almost the entire time I felt at peace. I was his most devoted friend, didn't pass judgement, validated his feelings and offered opinion when he asked.

OW is giving him alot of grief and I feel that she is not going to let him go that easy. They have known each other for over 10 years, been in EA for over 3 years and PA for over a year. H sounds much calmer and resolved last night than he did over the weekend.

We are not jumping back in to living together again at this time. We still have individual counseling to attend to and a relationship to rebuild, trust and such. Our physical relationship is wonderful and we want to continue to grow that.

I am terrified however to change the course I had set for myself last October when I filed for D. I was starting to really feel the wonder of all of my possibilites and looking forward to a new start, DB'ing all the way. The old saying "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it". I NEVER thought that H and I would be where we are right now. The power of really detaching and really letting go it HUGE. Only when I truly let him go, not just with words but with actions, did he start having lightbulbs go off in his head.

Your advice would be appreciated as I have taken what I found here and as a result get to peice a 25 year relationship back together.