I AM the OW....He won't stop lying to his wife

[BluePoet]

But I don't agree with the 180, the in dark, or whatever that is, it's not genuine. As a psychology major, you might agree that people are what they are, they are years of their environment and history. You can't change that, and if that's what affects their behavior, you can't change what you are. the attept to "act" different, is just that, an act.

I'm not a psychology major, but I don't agree with you about that at all. People are different in different relationships and sometimes it is the relationship that is ill, causing the people in it to become stuck. Definitely the case in my M - he was "killing me softly" to the point I almost became completely inept. During the last year, I found several ways of healing myself (including an emotional affair) and getting into doing work that I loved -- even though I still stayed home, didn't drive or shop alone, etc.

When he left, I was devastated. But ready - emotionally it hurt like hell, but I found I'd become strong. So I started driving, shopping, flying in planes (I'd been too fearful before), traveling alone and driving across country in a rental car by myself. All these new things, and I found I was getting a "high" from the achievements. I am learning to cook, which I never did for him. So now I am seeking "new worlds to conquer" as it were -- I've gone caving underground and plan to learn to ride a motorcycle this spring. All because I'm hooked on the high, and nothing to do with STBX -- except he was HOLDING ME BACK with his subservience. But he was doing that (counselor says) because he was trying to keep me home so that 1) I wouldn't leave and 2) So he had all the power in the relationship.

I have truly been set free. Is a healthy relationship with my STBX ever possible? Possibly in the distant future if *he* decides he doesn't need control. I have myself, already changed and there is nothing fake about it. I am living my dream life of adventure....

BluePoet