You have every right to post here but most of us are trying to put the OP out of our minds and FIX our Ms.
My H's OW claimed that she was 'helping' us stay together by providing the 'physical release' that my husband needed. According to him that was all she wanted out of their relationship too - a selfless and generous lover who made her feel things her H did not.
Why then all the theatrics when he tried to break it off with her? Why then the emotional breakdowns when he said he couldn't see her anymore? Why did she threaten him with exposing their A to me?
I called the OW who told me that she was so attracted to my H because he loved me so much and was so deovted to me and our M. I told her it was a pretty disgusting way to show it. She also told me that she 'admired' me so much for my talents and personal strength. Sure. It's easy for the OW to admire the W when the W is at home in the dark and waiting while the OW is in the dark with the H. She was what? providing a service? Please?!?!?
She told my H that being physical with her would provide him with the energy he needed to work on our M. What a load of you-know-what. She also told me that she 'begged him' to tell me about their A. She said that I should know that he'd never leave me. That might be true, but truth be told she thought that I would leave him and she would be there to pick up the pieces.
I suggest that you end the A with your MM and get into a healthy relationship - not involve yourself with a MM who is already in an unhealthy one and now, with you, involved in TWO unhealthy relationships. She probably knows the truth anyway - just as I did. Back out and let them fix it or tell him to be a man, confess to her and put the W out of her misery. It sounds like you MM wants his cake and eat it too. Which are you? Neither you nor his W are getting all of him. Neither you nor his wife is experiencing a truthful relationship. Neither one of you is dealing with a mature MM who can control his impulses and not just satisfy his own selfishness. If he is still lying to her what makes you think he isn't lying to you too?
My husband lied to his OW about our marriage - saying it had no physical connection and that he needed someone to talk to that would 'understand' him and his needs/problems/fears etc. She believed him too. Most WSs are master manipulators, storytellers, and justifiers. My H was/is.
I believed my husband as long as I could. I believed his deceptions and his excuses. Why? Because I wanted the fairy tale. I was/still am deeply in love with the man I married 21 years ago. Yes, I was naive. I admit that. I didn't want to believe that another woman could replace me in any way.
My H claims that he was doing what he thought was the 'best thing' for our relationship and said he thought sleeping with her would 'relieve me of the burden' of sleeping with him. Justification for his selfishness.
He admits that he wanted a woman who thought he could 'do no wrong;' a woman who 'treated him like he was a God' and that anything he did or said was gospel. I couldn't provide that. He is a 'rescuer' by nature. The definitive knight in shining armor. He rescued me wahen I was 17 years old. That's what I needed then, that's what he provided me - safety and security. Unconditional love. I admit he didn't get much from me during the earlier years of our marriage - he only got the satisfaction of being the knight.
So, as I matured and didn't need him to 'rescue' me as often, I became less desireable in his eyes - not physically, he just felt like I didn't really need him. He no longer knew what he could offer me - what his role was. He thought I only wanted a 'father figure' who would pay the bills and fix my problems. I failed to tell him when I moved beyond that point - when I became mature enough to do some things on my own - when I wanted/needed him to be a husband, not just a safety net.
I no longer believed he could 'do no wrong' and evidently he couldn't handle it. After 26 years together though, the blind eye of first love opened and could SEE. He also knows that I have faults, that I am insecure, that I have battled self-esteem issues and eating disorders and a chronic non-curable disease. I am sure he felt/feels helpless to 'rescue me' anymore. That's fine - I want a partner to support my efforts to rescue myself. I want to become a whole person who can be 1 of 2 COMPLETE people in a relationship. In the end that is what makes a happy, healthy relationship anyway.
Get some C yourself. Get on with your life and find a partner who can commit to you 100%.
