I can't believe the crap you are doing and not feel guilty in doing so. When are you going to wake up? Spiritualy, committing Adultry is a Sin. PERIOD. Its against the 6th Commandment.
No one on this board is perfect, but how did you feel when your H did this to you? Pretty rotten huh. So now you are doing this to someone else. I suppose if someone were to jump off a bridge, and it was God forbid someone you knew, you would do the same thing. Two wrongs don't make a right.
People are given a free will by the Lord God Almighty to choose between Good and Evil, what is right and what is wrong. Get out of this picture sister.
I once read a story about a professional basketball player in the NBA say men can't help it when they cheat. Women approach these men while they are playing on the road at the bar, give clear signals what they want, even wait outside their hotel room. A man who does the will of God would not even consider to cheat on his wife. These women are nothing but sluts, but that doesn't mean these men should let them in.
What category do you think you fit into? Maybe you don't believe in Jesus or a higher power. But Jesus died for each one of us because He loves us so much. By intentionally commiting having this affair, where do you see you are right?
If I ever were to cross that line, my soul would be in danger of loosing it. Think about it at least and do the right thing.
Quoting OW: As a psychology major, you might agree that people are what they are, they are years of their environment and history. You can't change that, and if that's what affects their behavior, you can't change what you are.
First of I apologize if you feel attacked. But I think you WANTED to be attacked on some level. Having said that, I wanted to address what you wrote above.
If psychologists didn't believe in people's inherent power to change and heal, the field of psychology wouldn't exist. My teacher always says this: "I have to believe that people are capable of healing themselves." You wouldn't go to a therapist if you truly believed that it had no value or that you couldn't modify, change your mindset, behaviors, etc.
DB is a form of cognitive/behavioral therapy. All the jargon, the techinques, etc are to motivate people move in a positive direction in their lives. It is change, it affects some people more than others. What you wish to take from it, depends on you. Just like anything else.
First come the behaviors, then come the REAL changes. That's the premise of behavioral therapy. I work for a company where we teach our patients weight-loss behaviors. Do they REALLY WANT to eat vegetables and low-fat food? NO! But, if they keep doing it for months and months, guess what, they don't reach for the fries anymore. CHANGE has occured. They are different people.
You telling me that people don't change is like telling an excerise coach that people can't lose weight, so they are doomed to die fat and sick. No one is doomed to be a product of their environment and upbringing if they CHOSE not to be.
I'm sorry you feel that people cannot heal. That's a very pessimistic and sad view. Find the hope to heal yourself.
Sorry for some of my anger. But I said that I was a student, and I was not trying to impart psychotherapy to you. I study psychology and therefore can SEE things that are patterns now that I didn't before.
Good luck. May you find your peace. Peace can never come from someone else's suffering. That's all I know.
Quoting OW: I was not trying to antagonize anyone for trying to save their marriage, I thoughtI was clear about that.
REALLY???? You're not trying to antagonize people trying to save their marriages???
Quoting OW:Does anyone remember Oprah and her The Horse is Dead...Get off. Sometimes you have to realize the horse is dead and get off it, because it's not going to take you anywhere. Not every marriage should be saved.
Then pray tell me, what are you trying to say by the above 2 sentences?
You are trying to discourage people from saving their marriages. You are using language like, "you're all beating a dead horse"....that pretty much sums it up in my book. You're being very clear.
It's like having an overweight person walk into a gym and laugh at everyone trying to get healthy. Then when the gym goers get upset in return, the overweight person plays victim when in fact they were the ones who walked into the gym and laughed at everyone in the first place. What did you expect? A big welcome hug? Your first post was pretty clear, in cap letters, "I AM the OW".
Seems to me, OW is here because she is AFRAID that DBing will work and her BF will go back to his wife. What she is missing is that picking a guy who would do this to his wife is a BAD CHOICE OF A MATE, she doesn't realize that he is LYING to OW to keep her on the hook while he tries to make up his mind, and that the BEST OUTCOME for all involved would be for him to reconcile with his wife and for him and his wife to grow through this xperience, and for OW to find a guy of better quality who does not seek to solve his problems by jumping into bed with another woman.
Please, OW - I'm not mad at you, or venting - for your OWN sake, please realize that this guy is no catch, his wife has history, commitment and kids with him that makes the marriage worth saving, but YOU have no reason to hang around for this kind of BS. Don't you feel you DESERVE a man who is free to be with you, unencumbered by baggage, and who is not AMBIVALENT about his relationship with you????
quote] But I don't agree with the 180, the in dark, or whatever that is, it's not genuine. As a psychology major, you might agree that people are what they are, they are years of their environment and history. You can't change that, and if that's what affects their behavior, you can't change what you are. the attept to "act" different, is just that, an act.
Your really misunderstanding this concept of change. As somebody correctly stated previously, it's not a change of personality, but a change in behavior.
An alcoholic can change his/her behavior and stop drinking. A smoker can change their behavior and stop smoking. A H or W can change their behavior and stop be critical of their S. Etc, etc, etc...
Do you understand the difference? You can't change your personality and you don't want to, that's what your partner initially fell in love with. It's your behavior that drives them to leave and that MOST CERTAINLY be corrected.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I also agree with Ellie about what IOW wanted. All throughout her posts I saw someone very intelligent, and very good at lying to herself. So she's taking a good step going to the OW forum, surely she will get the reassurance she wanted there.
Mind you, she will construct this thread in her mind as another proof of the ideas she already had.
