OW... I hear a lot of anger and hurt in your responses. I am also sorry that you feel you are being attacked. I don't really see that anyone attacked you. What I have seen is peopel expressing their opions, much the same way you are. I am wondering what kind of responses you are looking for...what kind would make you feel as though you weren't being attacked?
I am 35 and I have never cheated on my xhusbands or boyfriends...I know I have 5 more years to go but...
I am wondering why you are so against them trying the marriage busting techniques? If his lying to her bothers you, why don't you let him know that you can not be with him until he can make up his mind. Take some power back for yourself.
Maybe you could apply the principles of DBing to your relationship with the OM...let him make up his own mind, detach...don't be so involved in the outcome.
This might not be the best place for you to get support on staying with a maried man. I will actually go one step further and tell you that you won't get support for that behavior here. However, this is a great place to come and get support on your journey to finding out who you are, where your personal power is, developing a lving relationship with yourself. This is where I come when I need help looking in the mirror. This is where I have made friends that are forever bonded to me through the pain we suffered together. No one here soley blames the OW for the loss of their marriage. OW/OM are symptoms. Just like no one blames the alcohol when a person is an alcoholic. What peopel here are trying to help you understand is that your decision to remane as a 3rd party in a relationship is damaging to all those involved.
Quote: I'm going to go after a married man, it's circumstance.
The hell it is, it is a CONSCIOUS desicion, it's called having morals. Once he is divorced then he is free to do whatever he likes, until then, he is still a married man and it is just plain WRONG to b w/him. No matter how you want to slice it, you are commiting adultery and calling it "ops, it just 'happened'".
If he had a spine he wouldnt' be jerking that poor confused woman around they way he is, and he'd be straight w/you and be with you once he had his divorce papers in hand. Unless you are a naive 20 something you dont' just believe the old "I'm divorcing my wife, really, in the meantime let's be together." Hope your children dont' learn your ways, I wonder what they think of you.
How low of you to have research DB to "advice" him on how she might "trick him". Cant' you just for a second think that perhangs this woman is really trying to meand her ways and see she's done wrong in her M and is making true changes?
Quote: The only change that's worth it is change that's permanent, and very few people can change their personalitlies.
And how the heck do you find out which change is permanent? no, people don't change overnight, it takes time and work, but people CAN change. I've done an awful amount of damage to my M, to my H, and I saw it, saw the ugliness of my ways and vowed to change.
Did I change 100% overnight? No, but I started the day w/a new attitude.
Did/do I fail occasionally? Yes, we are all human, but after I fall I dust myself and get up again.
The only fool in this situation is you, not her, she is the wife, you are just the woman on the side.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
You know I actually thank ow for coming here to post. I have wanted to see just what kind of trash was out there waiting with bared claws to snatch up our H's when they have a weak spot in their lives. They want to take our H's straight down to hell with them.
And for you to get the book DR or DB, it shows how desperate you are to keep him. So you can countermand any attempts by his WIFE to save their marriage. Yes, you are one of the guilty party in this, did you really think you were innocent of anything?? Anything except being the piece on the side? No, hon, you are an intruder into their marriage, not a good person at all. You are setting a very good example for your children to follow, and when your sons and daughters follow in yours and your husbands footsteps, I hope you will be proud of them. Or do you tell them it is okay for mommy and daddy to commit adultery, but you shouldn't? If you really wanted him to go home and try to fix his marriage you would send her the book anonymously, and send her husband home, too, but without your skanky behind lurking in the background waiting till the kids are grown. You would repent of your disgusting behavior in this, and resolve to either go back to your husband or remain alone, because no unsuspecting man deserves to meet up with you. And you can go and read about my situation and try to insult me on it, but it won't work , because I know I am a better person and wife than I was, and your idiocy can't hurt me. L
And another thing, you remind me of my sister, who told me that she was having an affair with a married man, and had the nerve to tell me that his wife was putting them through hell. And that she was trying to save their M, and that she (the wife) was pregnant (got pregnant during all this). Well, I sat my little tramp sister straight and told her that no it was she and the H who were putting the wife through hell, and that she had no right whatsoever to him. And by the way, he chose to stay and save his marriage, which upset her even more, but I say too darn bad, don't play the whore anymore!!
Also, just knowing you would go so far as to get the same book that the wife got, shows me how low some of yall (ow) will stoop. I think my H's EA ow has gotten hold of some of the books recommended here, I heard her messages to him that sounded like the dripping of honey from an adulteress' lips, so sickeningly sweet I wanted to puke, but words he apparently liked, at least till he finds out she is bitter as wormwood, and will take him down to the hell I previously mentioned. So, use your books to keep him, if you must, then feel proud of yourself when his kids have problems, and not because or his wife, because of you and him. Enjoy yourself while you are young, because one day you will be just an old whore!! L
WOW and I thought I was being a little rough. You two blew me away on that one but you guys are absolutly right. I do not really think she will be back anymore.
If she does great. Maybe we can help save this guys M.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
apparently it didnt' hurt that much when her H cheated on her, so she doesn't see a prob with being the OW in this picture. Now, us humans, were blindsided w/that pain and wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Quote: That I tried to explain to her when she stated that we could all be in her shoes...
That would be the stilletto's, though, right? And I have GOT to get me some of those!
But would I be OW EVER in my freakin' life? NO WAY, because I have been the cheater so I know the double life firsthand and how it feels to be so torn.
Anyway, the truth is most "other" women are actually rather ordinary and without sparkle or even much sex appeal. The ace they hold up their spaghetti straps is that they are listeners.
