Quote: What I am promoting is that he be honest with her period. Not backpedaling because she threatens him with his children. Do you think that's right? That someone can't leave because your children are being held over your head?
If the wife is telling H that the children will/are suffering from him leaving, that is absolutely correct, and a pretty good reason to work on any marriage.
You seem to be missing a very important point here - you THINK he's not honest with her because he just doesn't want the aggravation. That's what he tells YOU. Odds are, he's not honest with her because he's not ready to cut the cord completely, and on some subconscious level, may want to reconcile. Basically, he's telling hER what she wants to hear, but he's also telling yOU what you want to hear - the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Look - I've been here a very long time, and I can tell you, there's a pattern to these things. H tells OW how terrible his R was - but usually, it's much more about his restlessness and depression and the high they get from infatuation, and less about the oprdinary issues that every matrriage has. No marriage is perfect - the ones that last stick to their COMMITMENT to work through the bad times. He may be exaggerating or even outright lying about his wife - you'd be surprised some of the crazy things H's have said to get OWs into bed with them (like saying they haven't has sex with their wife in years, when actually they've been going at it like rabbits for years).
Sim ilarly, H's often lie about the R with the OW being over, because they don't want to give up their drug" but they don't want to lose their wife either. Usually people who have affairs are in crisis, and not thinking really clearly. Your involvement in their marriage is an obstacle to them working things out.
I don't know why you would want him - after having been cheated on before, I would think you'd look for a guy with higher moral standards and no track recotrd of repeatedly cheating. You think it'll be different with you - that's one of the stupidest lies women tell themselves. It won't. You'll always be looking over your shoulder - is that what you want???
If you REALLY cared about him and his children, you would get out of the way and insist that he make an honest effort to reconcile with his wife. Things like this don't "just happen" - moral, courageous people don't live their lives based just on the emotions that feel good at the moment. Your actions are contributing to enormous pain on the part of this guy's wife and children - and even if you reason that it's all his fault, not yours, why would you want to be with a guy who is so selfish that he's willing to inflict that pain on his family just so he can get his jollies with you????
