Okay, I know this isn't going to make me popular, but it's true. I am the other woman. I came to this board because my BF who is living apart from his wife is now LYING to his wife AGAIN. And allowing her to get her hopes up about a reconciliation to get her temporarily off his back. He came out about the affair to his wife several months ago, and left...and she flipped, and I don't mean figuratively, and is acting like a lunatic in front of their kids, causing them to have problems. She cried, begged pleaded, he spent hours on the phone with her (in front of me, because he was with me at the time) trying to get her to stop, stop, stop but she is not in control, she's negative, insecure, needy, dependent, and out of control when she drinks. Go ahead and blame the OW, but what do you think drove him out to begin with, and I wasn't the first, she found out, and they did try and reconcile, and it worked for a few years. She actually has no idea there were others at that time. She demanded he stop seeing me, held the kids over his head, as well as other things, she really had him in a vice, IF YOU"RE SEEING HER I'M GOING TO DO >>>> or I'm NOT GOING TO >>>>> So, what did he do, he lied, told her we're not seeing eachtother anymore, and she believes it. Why? Denial probably... how you can threaten someone and then they tell you what they want to hear and you believe it is beyond me, especially when she knows he's lied to her (obviously) is beyond me. So she orders the DB stuff and DVD (wish his consent of course... because now he has decided to ACT as though he's trying... to get her off his back, make it look like he tried) We started arguing, because I think this is WRONG, I think it will make her worse x2 when she finds out he's been lying. I'm not going to argue with him any more about it, because honestly, he's the liar. My kids and my friends know what's going on and she looks like the fool...I honeslty can't believe she believes him. Every once in a while she'll ask him if he's seen me or talked to me, he says no, and she believes it. I do wish he would just come out and tell her the truth, and just get it over with. I feel bad he's gonna make her go through the motions and try and get her hopes up, who knows, maybe it will work, but I doubt it.
Your are right, you are not going to be popular here.
Are you happy now that you are part of the cause of someone else's pain?
If HER H can lie to her, what makes you think he won't lie to you?
You said it yourself, you weren't the first.
You said SHE is needy, insecure, and dependant. Ummm....what about YOU?! You are involved with a married man! Don't you have any respect for yourself?
He obviously has feelings left for his wife or else he wouldn't be trying to keep from hurting her.
You don't know what drove him out of the house to begin with. He could be lying to you. Unless you were a third party in their house you really have no idea.
You think what he is doing is WRONG, What about YOU?
You say you have kids, what the h^ll is this teaching them?
She doesn't look like the fool, you do!!!!
YOUR INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED MAN........Grow up and find some self respect for yourself.
Quote: He lied, told her we're not seeing each other anymore, and she believes it. Why?
She believes him because he's her husband and she loves him. You should not be so quick to judge. What you really should be asking yourself is why, when you know he lies to her, do you still believe anything he tells you?
Mrshurting is right. Why do you feel a need to hurt other people? Why do you want a man who thinks it's OK to cheat on his wife or would needlessly hurt the one he loves?
I'm sorry to be harsh, but you are in need of a serious reality check. He is lying to both of you. There is a very good chance that before long he will begin to miss his W and go home.
First of all, I am NOT the cause of someone's pain, her husband is. I didn't marry her, he did. Sometimes friendships turn into something else you you can't help who you fall in love with. I do have respect for myself, and yes she is all of the things I said she was. Does he want to hurt her feelings? Of course not, does that mean he wants to live out the rest of his life with her? No. Not everyone who wants to end their marriage is "BAD" sometimes people have to take responsibility in their part of the demise of a relationship. I do feel bad that he's lying to her. And SHE does look like the fool because EVERYONE but her knows we are still together, she may even know, and just be in denial. As far as him lying to me...could be, guess i'll out. Once you cheat on your spouse, the purity is gone, you can never say I've been faithful. I'm not a troll, I think some aspects of this book are good, and could be used as preventative. Communication is the key. So call me what you want, it doesn't change the truth.
Quote: Okay, I know this isn't going to make me popular, but it's true. I am the other woman. I came to this board because my BF who is living apart from his wife is now LYING to his wife AGAIN. And allowing her to get her hopes up about a reconciliation to get her temporarily off his back. He came out about the affair to his wife several months ago, and left...and she flipped, and I don't mean figuratively, and is acting like a lunatic in front of their kids, causing them to have problems. She cried, begged pleaded, he spent hours on the phone with her (in front of me, because he was with me at the time) trying to get her to stop, stop, stop but she is not in control, she's negative, insecure, needy, dependent, and out of control when she drinks. Go ahead and blame the OW, but what do you think drove him out to begin with, and I wasn't the first, she found out, and they did try and reconcile, and it worked for a few years. She actually has no idea there were others at that time. She demanded he stop seeing me, held the kids over his head, as well as other things, she really had him in a vice, IF YOU"RE SEEING HER I'M GOING TO DO >>>> or I'm NOT GOING TO >>>>> So, what did he do, he lied, told her we're not seeing eachtother anymore, and she believes it. Why? Denial probably... how you can threaten someone and then they tell you what they want to hear and you believe it is beyond me, especially when she knows he's lied to her (obviously) is beyond me. So she orders the DB stuff and DVD (wish his consent of course... because now he has decided to ACT as though he's trying... to get her off his back, make it look like he tried) We started arguing, because I think this is WRONG, I think it will make her worse x2 when she finds out he's been lying. I'm not going to argue with him any more about it, because honestly, he's the liar. My kids and my friends know what's going on and she looks like the fool...I honeslty can't believe she believes him. Every once in a while she'll ask him if he's seen me or talked to me, he says no, and she believes it. I do wish he would just come out and tell her the truth, and just get it over with. I feel bad he's gonna make her go through the motions and try and get her hopes up, who knows, maybe it will work, but I doubt it.
OK so if you're NOT a troll - what do you want here? Are you DB-ing? Are you helping him keep his marriage together?
Why do you think she's negative, needy and INSECURE??????? And what are you doing to help her? You're continuing your A with her H...HELLO!!!!!!!!
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
There is a site called TOW(the other women). I'd post there b/c you aren't gonna get the support you need here.
And so you know your R with your married boy friend isn't going to last. I would call it quits, pick yourself up and consider this a bad learning experience.
I read the book, I think some of it is good advice, communication, not nagging, giving space, and I don't agree with other parts, I don't agree with doing a 180 if it's not geninuine and if it's just to trick your spouse into coming back. The only change that's worth it is change that's permanent, and very few people can change their personalitlies. I didn't see any stipulations that you had to be the scored woman or man to speeak on this board, it doesn't make me a troll. I read the book to see what tactics she was going to use on him, and I told him to read it himself so he could be prepared. I wanted to see what other people had to say, so I started reading the boards. I'm all for saving a marriage if it can be saved, in fact I told him more times than I can count, if you think you can save your marriage, than go do it, god bless and stop seeing me. He doesn't believe it can be saved, and from what he has told me and what I have seen, and yes, I have seen, I don't think so either. Some people have had success, others success only temporarily, others no success at all.
