What do I do tomorrow? How to handle?

[Astimegoeson]

I agree with your views on this. I to was guilty of neglect. Between my regular job and contracting on the side, my hours could be from 12 to 16 hours a day. I have since given up the contracting work, but the damage has already been inflicted. My W felt abandoned I'm sure.

My W turned to OM. I went dark, very dark at that point. She to has her cycles and still leans heavily on me during those times of the month for emotional support. She did at one point believe She could have her cake and even told me point blank that's what she wanted, if you can believe that. Of course, I told her this was not practical for me or the kids and I know over time she now realizes this. She's still very confused. I don't feel guilty by going dark and I know she understands this is my position as long as OM is in the picture. She became angry at first over this behavior of mine, but has since learned to accept it as a result of her actions. I still do respond to any crucial needs She has, but I'm not involved in her day to day life. I'm not her daily dose of emotional comfort anymore and She notices it and responds in subtle gestures to that loss. I'm not sure what she was expecting out of me from the onset of her A, but I know for a fact it isn't what she is experiencing now. You really do have to COMPLETELY let go and let them figure this out for themselves. In my W case, it may be to late, I let go a while ago and don't know If I have the same feelings for her anymore. If I ever had to cross that bridge in the future, I really couldn't predict the outcome. I am however still in the healing process and probably will be for some time no matter how my bond to her dissipates.

It's ironic that many say they want their independence and freedom, but when it's granted unconditionally, they have second thoughts about what it was suppose to look and feel like. My W gave me that for an excuse early on, but I was never a controlling type and gave her all the freedom and independence to be herself that anyone could ask for. She had freedom and independence all along and I think She's now realizing this. I sense the OM is putting more demands on her now than I ever did. I think he may be having issues over my ghost. I believe the more absent (dark) I am from my W, the more I'm on her mind if that makes any sense.