What do I do tomorrow? How to handle?

[Bworl]

Believe,
RCR told you about as well as it can be told what you need to do. This man CONTROLS your life, completely. He is driving your every mood, attitude, emotion...

You cannot let that be. You will protest, "But I LOVE my husband and I MISS my husband, and he was my BEST FRIEND!" Welcome to the club! There's not a person on this board who cannot say the same thing.

H left 18 months ago...sounds like you've got some work to do on separating yourself from him. Sounds to me like he's almost hostile towards you, which would seem to support RCR's suggestion that he may feel smothered by you. Letting him go is for BOTH of you. He gets some room to think, live this wonderful life that he sees in front of him. You get to NOT depend on him for every happiness in your life AND you get to NOT be present for all those lovely actions that break your heart all over again.

You're playing right into the scenario that does two things, neither of them good. One, you run off the spouse because you convince him through your desperation that he was right to leave in the first place. And two, you drive yourself into a despair and depression that makes you completely useless to yourself, and unattractive to him.

The suggestions that you will receive here are counter-intuitive (I believe I have to credit RCR with that one, I think she's the one who first said it to me), meaning that they run contrary to what our rational thoughts tell us need to be done. Let him go to get him back. Move on without him to make him want to pursue you. Be happy to keep from being so sad. None of it RATIONALLY makes any sense at all. So why does it work? Because our spouses behavior and mental state is NOT RATIONAL EITHER! Why do you think so many on these threads refer to them as aliens?

I don't know much about you, and there is not much information shared in this thread. But the fact that you stand for your marriage after 18 months of separation make me think you must be a pretty strong and honorable woman. It's time to leave him alone and start caring about yourself.

You GET A LIFE to show yourself that you do not NEED your husband to have a happy, satisfied life.

You DETACH so that you're not getting beat up constantly by his ridiculous and hurtful words and actions.

This stuff is for YOU, not HIM. And you need to start doing it. If the extent of your get a life after 18 months is that you played scrabble with a few friends, then darling you need to visit some of these threads and see what getting a life is REALLY about!

Come on girl! You can do this! NO ONE should have so much power over any other persons life. Ever. Period.

Stand up for yourself by caring for yourself and letting this unhappy man go enjoy his newfound life. You might just surprise yourself with how good you will eventually feel, and maybe even how curious he starts to become.

Blessings,

Bill