z seems you are getting what i want and I am getting what you want. I am getting all the physical intimacy a person could ask for (and before all this I often did ask for, hell i put it on my christmas list)part of what makes me continue to think about ow, before all this h was denieng me physcial contact and now i don't initiate a thing. I am getting the emotional intimacy in dribs and drabs I am very confused about where I have been and where i am going in regard to h, so I think it best that for now I just not worry about any of that and let what will be, be.
some how some way I will make it through all this, whether it is with my family intact and h and i together or not is yet to be known, but i will make it through, there will be a time when I no longer have a headache thinking about such things as how h feels about me, what h thinks, what he's doing or done, maybe that time should start now!! LL
i guess I should take the advice I gave to lisa on her thread and just be happy to be getting what i am getting now, maybe if I do keep my mouth shut as i have said i would but obviously haven't h will realize even more what he truly has here and know that what he thought he had with her is futile and meaningless, i doubt my h will call her if i leave him alone about it, she may not call him but actually i hope she does then maybe h will see what she is a clingy woman who just wants an escape from her own unhappy m. perhaps she will show her true colors to him and start talking bad about me. h is doing me no favor by "trying" to be with me that i have to keep in mind, i am worth it and h will soon realize that actaully on many levels he does "ll is awesome" after all, as long as ll can keep her mouth shut about what he has done to her and let go of the past. h is currently angry at me for stranding him with the kids yesterday, i just didn't have it in me to come home after mass, h eventually did leave to go where I do not know, i assume to watch the rest of the days games with his new side kick and then off to his appartment to be alone, he did call at 10 to say goodnight and i think my detached tone got to him, still have not heard from him this am but he plans to come over after work. i will just be here, I have reading to do, if he wants to talk to me or spend time with me that will be his call, i have a life that doesn't revolve around him. LL
Quoting lostlove: H...claims his wanting to be physcial with me is the way he is reacting to me, knows he has always had an off and on libido and honestly has for many years.
yeah many would say he's crazy, but I've also heard men say if they had a super model she would soon look just like everyone else after a while, so my looks don't really come into play, they sure do help me to know that it wouldn't be hard for me to get the attention of another man if that were my desire but it's more than just his physical interests in me that i'm after. LL
Quoting lostlove: how do I get past feeling like a fool who has been lied to??
Quote: I am tryig to trust h and that is hard to do when you have been lied to the way I have.
Perfectly understandable; it's not as if he deserves your trust the way he is acting. He enjoys your trust only at your sufferance.
Which gives the answer to your first question. You are not a fool because you are choosing to stay and work on the M-even though you have every right to dump him and legally slap him around-for the sake of all involved. You could (and maybe you will if you get fed up later), but you aren't.
You're standing for something better; and that makes him the fool.
love makes us all fools, i guess and when you throw kids into the equation even those who would chose to be a fool no longer have to close their eyes. my h has been a fool for love the love he thinks he has for the ow, now he is put in a position where he can "suffer" through the healing process with a woman that he loves and has a family with or he can leave her for the "care free" life with another woman. it is really all up to him at this point and that he feels is a hell of alot of pressure, may be easier on him if I just told him to get lost!! then he would not have to grow up as I highly doubt he would ever choose to live with her and her two kids when he could live with me and HIS two kids. she would grow tired of that life and he would ultimately be left alone paying the bills for a family he started and gave up on. his choice for now, I will only keep the door open for so long and it is slowly closing don't know if i'll ever lock it but it will soon close. LL
h is here, didn't arive til 7, son was waiting to go out in the dump truck to dump rocks, they are now taking a shower together, he has his overnight bag so guess he's staying the night, cant tell from him where we are today as i wasn't really greeted. are we back to nothing and he is just here for the kids or what???? I hate his silence and I hate not knowing where i stand. whatever!! LL
