I so completely understand where you are coming from. My W is still "wanting to feel in love with me again". We have no physical intimacy, tho emotional intimacy is growing daily, where for a long time I could only measure it's growth by the month. My patience so far in this regard seems to be rewarded, by the lack of physical intimacy drive me nuts. At least weekly, I wonder if I can go on, if I should go on. I don't want a platonic relationship with my W, I don't want to only be "loved like a brother". But I perservere. I believe it is and will be worth it. Already, I'm seeing a basic R that has a stronger foundation than it ever had.
I know you've been reading my stuff, I know you've followed it at least on the current "dating" thread, so I won't repeat it here. But, I'd like to say that I think the biggest break throughs for me have been to try to let go of her R with OM and not insist she break it off, or protest it too loudly. That, together with making it clear to her that it makes me terribly uncomfortable for her to continue private contact with him (meaning private get-togethers as "friends", as opposed to meeting socially as members of a larger group). She appears to respect this, but I don't know, and I don't ask or check.
Never the less, it torments me that such private contact might offer some explaination for the lack of physical intimacy, and the delays in restoring our marriage completely. This, however I recognize as a pure assumption on my part, and as taking my wife's own confused conflicted turmoil as personally directed toward me. It is my biggest goal presently to eliminate both these patterns.... assumption and taking everything personally. I think I'm succeeding, but I must constantly wrestle with my mind and listen to my heart to succeed.
