it's funny, h called earlier today to say hello and see what we were up to, he sounded down so I asked him if he was ok, he said no, stressed from work and our sit, I said alot of things I know I shouldn't but some of it is nessisary to hear, I let him know that alot of men over the years have been "in love" with me, that it is easy to fall "in love" that it is easy to keep that "in love" feeling when you are just friends, when there is no responsibility no expectaions. when you enter that r that is beyond "friendship" things do change, not always a good thing but it happens. it is much easier to be the ow than to be the woman. I let him know that i do not want to keep him from being happy, that we can have a fulfilling and good life with eachother and that the happiness he is seeking will come, let him know that I believe it, but that he also has to believe it and right now I don't think he does and as long as he has this disbelief it will not happen. I let him know that i also have the # of a laywer (he saw two during the non trying time) and that if it would be easier for him that I just set him free I will, I will not keep him as he is no more mine than I am his.
I say these things to him not out of anger but out of truth, I know as well as he does that making a real r between the two of us will take patience (yes you may point out that I have none) and thoughfull consideration of the other.
funny thing is one would assume that after such a conversation i would not hear from him but alas not more than an hour later he called the house, we were not home so he called the cell, i called him back, he seemed in a better mood, was just calling to say hi and see if we had any success in finding what we were out looking for, said no perhaps i should try another time with out the two children so i can focus, he said well maybe the two of us should go sometime together. (was my actual thought but didn't want to make the suggestion and told him so) he said he would call again later before I went out.
seems like when I am telling him he is free he decides he doesn't want to be, it was only a few short weeks after I took his wedding ring from him and told him to end the cherade and set me free get this all overwith and file, that he decided he wanted to try.
btw the definition of "in love" that i gave was what he said to me after I asked how he would know when and if he were "in love" with me.
so were do we go from here??? think I'll just continue to go about my business and let him figure out what he wants. LL
