The "settling" thing is a fear everyone has... Thoreau remarked that the mass of men live lives of quiet desperation. Your H has decided to stop being quiet. He doesn't want to be desperate. He wants a choice. Believe me, what he choose won't be settling. He knows he has the power of that choice now. Your job is to not scare him into making the wrong choice. It's possible to do that, because he's probably doing a whole lot more "re-acting" that clear thinking about your R right now. Remove yourself from his drama so you are not a part of the drama against which he reacts. Then he will see that it is his drama that he's made all for himself.
As for the feelings.... He told you what being "in love" means to him. Being "in love" is only definable to the self. Your definition doesn't apply to him, so if he tells you he is not "in love" with you, your definition doesn't work. But, you are likely insulted using your own personal definition. What's important to do is to learn his definition and fulfill his requirements it you wish to have him be "in love". But, you still have a right to hold him accountable to his agreements.
