i just want to go home!! click my heels and be happy, I do not know where that home is anymore or where that happiness is but i am not happy now. i had asked h to come over friday night to watch the kids so I can go to a dbr's gathering, h said he would, now h is asking me to find a sitter so he can work late and then stay at his appartment. needs his "space" I wont be here so what space is it he needs, space from his kids??? h expects that now because we are trying the schedule agreed upon during separation have changed, sundays were his day with the kids and my day off, h now thinks he can go watch football with his friend and I will watch the kids, and yet when I want to go out I have to find a sitter????? what about my space?? I never got space, I have been in this house with the kids every night, while he has lived away for six months and continues to live away now. why do i have to wait for h to fall "in love" with me before he'll come home, is that in fact what he is even waiting for??? what are we doing anyway??? am I an obligation or THE ONE he wants to be with. right now I think he really wants to be with her, but "owes it to me and the kids to try again" and no it is not speculation, h does honeslty believe he is in love with her, that they have a r, and a good one, that he never had that with me, never felt that way with me, but owes it to me to at least try. why am i even doing this??????? LL
