she had and has her own baggage just wasn't HIS baggage, she was/is married (getting a d) two kids, cancer etc. what they had was an innapropriate friendship, he in spending the time with her and communicating with her felt that perhaps that is the way a r should be, why isn't it that way with the w, maybe I just married the wrong person, so now he is where he is, he is back (trying to come back) because he couldn't live with himself not giving it another try. though he has ended the friendship, relationship whatever you want to call it, h feels that he is in love with her. it troubles me that he has these feelings for her. I have a better understanding of such feelings and realize you can have them for many people if you just spend the time with them and communicate. h thinks it was just there. I never doubted my h's love for me, even when he was wanting a d, I said to myself, h may be with someone and be "in love" but he will never love another the way he loves me! sad but it was the path HE was choosing. I don't care for "in love" think it takes energies away from more important things, consumes you LOVE is what I want and have, h however has been led by this "in love" feeling to be spending time w ow, was what he was missing, so now I WANT h to be "in love" with me and hope that the transition back to reality afterward is acceptable for him to stay away from other ow. I understand fully that this ow is as she herself said NOTHING, unfortunatly to my h, she is the one he was in love with and that was a better feeling (for him) than the love he had for me. he is trying to come home and I believe he will, but I would like for it to be because he has the feeling he was looking for when he saught her out.
so then again I ask, how to make your spouse who already loves you, fall "in love" with you???
