h is just much better at the "one day at a time" stuff than I am, h has always been a rather patient man, I on the other hand want it NOW!!

h can wake up the next day and have it be a new start, yes the frustration of the past day is there but in the past, guess it's the whole mars venus thing at work. I cant just end things with a snap I need closure.
I suppose I should be happy that h called ow to tell her they could no longer communicate, thing is I just wish I could have been privy to the conversation as they have conspired lies against me in the past. even as h sat and told me that was the reason for his call and repeated several times that he would not be talking to her, in my mind i was saying yes you said that a year ago and it was a lie..... I did not say a word and h said yes I know you've heard it before, but this time I mean it, I am not comming home so that I can carry on two relationships, i did that before and it didn't work, if i'm going to put energy into a r it's going to be this one.
h gets angry and frustrated at talks about ow sit... i take it as anger at me.... h just let me know it is not him getting mad at ME but mad at the whole sit. h has at times said "I'm [censored]" (sorry) meaning he wants to come home but has hurt me so it's difficult, if he leaves it will be difficult because he will be hurting us all. a bit of a dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.

I am trying to let go of the past two years of lies and decete and hoping that the days ahead will speak for themselves, and that our r will grow stronger and we more confident in eachother with each passing day. I am waiting for h to come home, to ask me to once again be his wife. ( a second proposal wouldn't be such a bad idea, don't need a new ring just a new marriage)

thanks for reading, hopefully I can stop the pain I am causing myself by living in the past and holding the mistrust and resentment.

things can be good. perhaps why h called her on his way here is that we had some good days together (he said he had fun with me on sun) and new that she needed to go inorder for things to get better between us. I know h will miss her, they did spend an awful lot of time together.
I let h know that i was glad he made the call, but wished that i had been able to hear it, i understand that it was a hard call to make, but hearing him upset about it would be outweighed by hearing him end it with her.
someday I will be confident that I am not the second choice, the obligation but the one that he wants.
LL