LL-Sounds like midlife crisis all around. Thye want their cake and to eat it too. My h had a PA fro 2.5 yrs before I found out about it. Kept telling me how unhappy he was and blaming me for everything. IT made me feel crazy-still does. HE says the A is over but I don't know. Don't ask anymore. He has to decide who he wants-its his hell right now as he has withdrawn from me for who knows why. I am loving and kind to him-I will not make it easy for him to leave me. I want him to stay. I want him to want to stay, but he has free will. SO.. I wait to see what he does. He also told me he feels trapped. It must feel awful to be them and have to be so miserable. Our C thinks my H is depressed. I also think this but he will not admit it. It would take a miracle-one I am always praying for. He is a man of integrity. IT will nopt be easy for him to walk away from 30 yrs of marriage and a family sitchuation and a commitment he made. I am riding it out-sufffering much along the way, but getting stronger as I see its him and not me. I am not perfect and have had to let go of the control he did not used to mind. The whole system has changed and I have had to change along with it. This is the toughest thing I've ever been through. You and I have been through similar things.I too was molested by my step brother for yrs. My H and family have been everything to me. I lost me somewhere in all of this and am having to find me in this process by no choice of my own-its a matter of survival for me. I am so tired of the panic and anxiety that I am letting go of him. Not stop loving him, but letting go and let him find his own way. best wishes,and good luck, Rachael
