I was able to say to my H that any contact w the ow was 'unhealthy' for the rebuilding of our R. That was the reason he (said) used when he emailed her telling her to stop calling. Seems she complied.
Our C asked me just what it would take for me to kick him out. I said "another affair" and said more concerning the heritage of our children. What he heard seems to have been "the affair".
It took a lot of self-talk to get myself to the point where I could cover those two topics. This was done before I read Michele's books or started my spiritual journey. I was calm, so calm, when making my statements though. That is important when you draw your lines, set your boundaries.
LL, you set the boundaries just for you, your self-respect. Your H either accepts them or not. Heart's Blessing would post that if they don't accept them then we can't lose them---because they've already left.
If you're dealing with MLC you have to stand for yourself, he can't tune into your emotional needs cause his journey is all about him. Did you post that there had been a PA?
If there was and it is a MLC then you have a midlife transition of your own to traverse.
LSL knows far more about this than me so I give her the podium.
Regardless of whether it's MLC or some other "Issues" thing, you will want to find that inner peace and calmness that will enable you to make your baby steps in the recovery process.
Good luck!
Hey, did you know that Anger isn't a bad thing? It's an emotion. It's what preceded it (fear, anxiety, hurt, frustration,etc) that you need to examine and heal.
I used to internalize my emotions and blow up in anger. Very bad. Couple that with my Hs habit of pushing my buttons then harvesting my anger and stuffing it inside him. What a mess.
Wouldn't hurt to get a book that deals with the effective handling of anger. I figured out that most of my anger was preceded by my frustration at not being able to easily "control" my Husband. Ah-ha! Give up the control and there goes the frustration which eliminates the anger.
Go figure.
Currently I am basking in the understanding of how to spiritually release my Husband to God. I did it!
