z, thanks for your words, I know the anger has to go, I am doing my best to stay calm when talking with h, and actually am finding myself asking him to tone down at times.
i do know it as fact that he was leaving me not just because of her but she definately was a factor, he himself said he was planning to be with her, fell "in-love" with her etc.
I do know that she asked her h for a d and expressed her feelings for my h.
my h and ow did have discussions of how they would trust eachother etc...
so I do know that they were planning to leave their spouses to be with eachother. that is not to say that they were leaving for that reason alone but it helped. when i talked to ow in july she was not planning to leave her h, said at some point maybe i don't know but not now. then low and behold in aug (when my h expressed his feelings) she asked her h for a d. and is still going through with it. (really smart thing for a woman with two young kids and terminal cancer to do, don't you think)
these two think they can still be in contact with eachother, she can call to say hi and see how he's doing, how she's doing etc, she can call to say happy birthday. sorry I am not comfortable with that type of r between them, I know you can relate to that z.
I am trying to try, but I guess the way for me is to not call h, not ask him to come over, not ask to spend time and not talk about anything, keep my mouth shut. not the type of r I really want to have but I think if I do otherwise at this point I will be pushing him away. so then we will have a on sided r once again only this time it will be him wanting me and me not wanting him.
I am tired and I just want a normal marriage, I don't want to walk on eggshells anymore. I want to enjoy my family and not feel threatend that h will run away again.
