h claim no pa with ow, claims his wanting to be physcial with me is the way he is reacting to me, knows he has always had an off and on libido and honestly has for many years. claims that he is being this way now because it is something I always wanted and he is now enjoying it too. admits that maybe it wont last but maybe he will be this way from now on. I know it will cease a bit, and honestly it doesn't always make me uncomfortable even when it makes me think he was that way with her. I just wish that if he was he would let me know, he is adimant about it not being that way with her, the opportunity just never came. I believe and I don't believe. h's drives has always fluctuated. we have been married 5 years this past sept. been together 13 with some breaks here and there probably for the same reasons that he had the ea and then left. h is business owner (started it at 19) with little free time, I always complained about it (lack of time) wich led to withdrawal and him thinking I resented the business and him (which at times I did) h stopped wanting to be around because I was always "nagging" him to be around. things are going well now, h is talking more, being more of a friend and sharing more about his life. is different for me, trying to keep my mouth shut, trying to get over the past and the lies. h knows and admits that what he did was wrong, keeping the r with her a secret was wrong and having the r with her was wrong. "I went ouside my marriage and that was wrong, I was spending time with someone else and keeping it from you and that was wrong" "there has been a huge breech of trust and I know that will take time"
h says all the right things (most of the time) when I just keep my mouth shut things are great (but I still ache on the inside in the quiet) sometimes even when I don't keep my mouth shut things are great. h knows he has hurt me and is sorry for it. I just want to get to a place where h is asking me to be his wife (I still have not been asked for the rings to be put back on) to live in my home. I want to reach a point where I am no longer trying to get over the pain but am over the pain.
I know the ow is merely a symptom, she seems to think otherwise and for a while so did h. ow will not win, as long as I don't push h to her, and even then she will not have him for long. ow is simply that ow I am wife, mother of children, keeper of his home, part of his family and friends, I am more to him than she could ever hope to be, all she has been is someone who was there. LL
