You're basically telling her you like her function, but there's nothing personal about her. You want to date? You're telling her she doesn't matter. Of course she's out the door again. If you want her to stay she's got to be a priority. And think about it this way - if you're wrong in thinking that you don't want it, you likely won't get the chance to make this choice again. Think about what you really want - then make a plan to make it happen.
I don't buy the "my marriage is 90/10 over" - either it is or it isn't. Either you're married or not. The amount of energy you're investing in it now might only be 90% of what you could - and maybe that's one of the main reasons why it's not going so well. It sounds like your W is trying. The marriage is not something in and of itself - it doesn't live or die on its own. It is composed of the efforts and intentions of the individuals in it, and when they stop giving completely, it's dead. It can be revived even then. Your choice.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
