I think that he has some good information for a man to improve himself, so far I have seen little if anything on how to improve a relationship.
I agree that the primary purpose of the book is not improving relationships, but I'm not sure I understand what you're saying here. He has good information for a man to improve himself. What else is there? Are you looking for a book that will tell you how to improve your wife? If that book existed it would be the number one bestseller forever.
Deida himself tells men to expect "NOTHING".
I don't remember that he says this explicitly (though perhaps he does)...are you basically referring to him telling men not to wait for their women to get easier? That, in fact, men should expect their woman to remain just as she currently is? If so, you're missing his point a little. His point is to stop waiting and start living the life you want right now. You don't get to say, "Well, I'll be happy and loving once my wife changes (or once I get a new job or move to a new town or lose 20 pounds or whatever)." You're not the man you'll become when everything falls into place; you're the man you are right at this moment. If you could be better or different, if you *want* to be better or different, start being better or different right now, on your own. Stop waiting.
This is NOT going to improve any relationship.
I can imagine there are some relationships that could improve. Expectations are only useful if you use them to establish and enforce your boundaries. If you expect something from someone that you don't require them to deliver, the only thing you can get is frustrated which is unlikely to increase desire.
In the Infidelity forum you find amazing people expending enormous effort and implementing significant changes in order to find the key that changes their wayward spouse and brings them home. From my observation during my time over there and the continued contact I have with a core group from my days in that forum, it seems that no more than ten or fifteen percent succeed. Of the group that succeeds, I get the feeling that no more than half are due to anything the LBS did and the rest were just a matter of the WAS coming to some realization and changing their mind all on their own. Point being, in Infidelity you get smacked in the face by the cold fish of reality...you can't change other people and you certainly can't *know* what's going to cause another person to change. It's a harsh lesson that most of us over there get to learn very completely.
In SSM, since the spouses are still around it appears to me that hope springs eternal. If the HD spouse can just find the right way to be or the right thing to say or the right attitude to manifest, the LD spouse will come around. If you read the right book everything will be made clear. If you read enough books, eventually you'll find the right one.
So I guess my question to you is, if you were to completely accept, right at this moment, that your wife wasn't going to change and that she'd be LD forever, how would your life change? What would you do differently? Who is Cemar when he's not the guy trying to get his wife to have sex?
If you'd rather be that guy than who you are right now, stop waiting.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
