I cannot take this ALIEN anymore!!!

[Lizarina]

I'm so done with this whole situation. I'm frustrated beyond belief!!!

Background: My H moved out a year and a half ago after becoming extremely (admitted by him) depressed. He just turned 34 and said "I just thought I would have accomplished so much more in my life by now." At the same time his brother was diagnosed with cancer. My H cut off all contact with his friends and family, including his brother who then died. To this day, he’s never talked to any of his friends or family again. When he got back from the funeral, though, he begged me to start going to counseling. Unfortunately, he wouldn't nail down a date. By the time we got to a session, he said the only reason he was doing it was because he "owed it to me." He wouldn't go back after the first session (which was uneventful). He then filed for divorce. Here's where we come into the current frustration...

He filed in March of 2006 and then proceeded to do nothing about it. I would have just done nothing as well (in hopes of him changing his mind), but then he became a financial train wreck. I needed to protect myself. He had "traded services" (he's a personal trainer) with a lawyer client of his who was willing to help us both out since it would be a simple divorce. With the help of one of the lawyers at my office, I filled out my response and my financial papers. So...it's now been 9 months and he hasn't done anything more. I've forwarded him the financial papers and told him he can use mine as an example for his, blah, blah, blah. Oh, I forgot to say that he moved away four months ago and e-mailed me saying that he can't communicate with me anymore. It's too hard for him and he has to "take care of himself." He e-mailed me (finally) in response to a phone call I made regarding his creditors calling me again. He said that if it were up to him, we’d sign the papers tomorrow, but he doesn’t have the money to pay for the attorney. After more weeks passed, I called the attorney and asked her a few questions about the paperwork. I had paid the filing fee for her to file my response 4 months ago. She cashed the check, but I found out she had never filed the document. She said she was waiting until she had a minute to talk to me about it. Can you say shiesty? I asked if there was anything I could do to facilitate the process. Long story short, she basically asked me to do all the paperwork but still pay her. I decided to make a proposal to my H. He could chose from one of the following:

1) I will take care of the entire thing with the help of one of the attorneys here at my office. They’ll do it free of charge as well. The only thing is that he’d HAVE to respond to any questions I have and have to meet to sign papers. I’m not going to waste the time of someone offering their help because he doesn’t feel he’s “able” to deal with this.

OR

2) He can pay his attorney to finish the process without any help from me. I’m not going to pester her to hurry along something that I didn’t want in the first place. And I’m not going to do her job for her. If he wants this divorce, he’ll find both the time and the money to get it done.

I knew that he was going to be PISSED about it because neither choice is what he wants – to pretend that our marriage never existed. He has to actually *do* something. I told him that I’d give him a week to decide and that if he hadn’t gotten back to me by then, I’d just assume he wanted option #2. I also told him that if he chose #1 and then become unresponsive, he was on his own.

Now, I know this could all backfire in my face, but I felt like it was time for me to stop catering to him and his bullcrap. If he wants this stupid divorce, then why is me who has to light a fire under the attorney? If he TRULY wanted it, he’d do it. I feel like he almost wants to be the victim now in a way. Honestly, I just don't get it. I try and try to figure out the motivation and there's just no understanding insanity. BUT, here is the source of my irritation now - WHY CAN’T HE E-MAIL ME BACK AND TELL ME HIS CHOICE? Why is everything so difficult? People get divorced all the time and it doesn’t have to be like this nonsense. I’m being nothing but nice, so why is he dropping the ball? Maybe it would be easier for him if I were mean, but my attitude makes him feel more guilty or something. All I know is that he makes me so angry that I could scream.

I know this was a novel. I just feel the need to vent to people who can feel my pain…