What is the principal of least interest? Simply stated, in any transaction / relationship, the party with the least interest holds all of the power. For example, if you go to buy a car, if you are ready to walk away without one you picked out UNLESS the sales guy takes your offer, you can negotiate from a position of strength. It doesn’t matter what the sales guy does /tries to do, you have the least interest and therefore hold all of the power. What if you tell the salesman, I HAVE to go home with the red sports car, (whatever it takes), he now holds all of the power, you might get the car but ONLY at his terms.
One of my tasks at work is to review contracts and negotiate terms. I see this happen all of the time, if you TRULY have the least interest, you totally control the negotiations. Same works for dating BTW, if one person MUST have a date, and the other can ‘take it or leave it’ the more ambivalent one holds all of the power.
How does this relate to me and this board? It is obvious, in my relationship I haven’t left (or worse looked somewhere else for my needs), despite over the years expressing my displeasure. Since these are not part of my ‘available negotiating tools’ I am set up as the one with the MOST interest. My wife hasn’t made any real changes (brief attempts but nothing permanent), It is obvious that my W has the least interest and hold all of the power in the relationship (in regards to sex at least).
It is so simply obvious that without a change in my interest level or ability (willingness) to react on it I will be unable to make any changes in my sitch. It sounds so clinical but without a change in the interest / power I feel that I will be unable to change the relationship. I think this explains the change from HD to LD many of us see during our ordeal. At least lowering my interest helps get me closer on par with my W but what have I gained? (or sacrificed)
The hope that her interest will increase to be closer to mine (resulting in some kind of parity) I think at a certain point must be abandoned.
Clinical and depressing at the same time, the double header eh?
