cat, hon, it may be like that for a while, has been for me. I got to a point where I saw clearly that it had become my ball game, my game to lose.
I still have a moment every day or two that I don't know how to explain, probably some kind of wimpy version of PTSD. I just sort of sit and shudder at all that's happened, all we've been through. It's a huge thing. I tried to wrap my brain around it and understand it (my nature) for a long time and just couldn't. I learned a lot, but it's just too huge, or some kind of code that my brain can't grok (for you software geeks out there).
That's when I get tempted to dive back into the abyss.
It's not rational, it's obsessive. For me, anyway.
There's a danger in dwelling on that stuff and I just remembered a Nietszche quote that went something like:
"Don't forget that when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."
There is only one way to avoid it. Don't look.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
