TL, I just dont' know what to say, I really needed to read this, I see it as a place I need to be. I could pretty much quote your whole post but this totally hit home:
Quote: I did it by letting go, not of her, because we never really "have" someone else anyway
I recall my C saying that, "you dont' own him, he is his own person, you cn'at make him do and feel what you want him to do/feel." That's the same faulty logic that led me to take him for granted during the old M.
Quote: , but releasing all the negativity that was making me clutch at her, by quietly finding strength and going about doing good things, quietly and sincerely, to the best of my ability. It really is all about dropping the rope. I didn't have to feign distance, coldness, anything else, because all that is simply manipulation anyway if you're honest with yourself.
It dawned on me today on my way from the gym that as much as I want to hear ILY from my H I won't try to persuade him to do so any more, I will "drop the rope" and have him say it on his own.
It is so very necesary to stop feigning distance/aloofness, etc; you are totally right, doing so IS a form of manipulation. Life is too short for that kind of nonsence, and I didnt' suffer for months to not have learned a thing about using those kind of tricks.
Did I say I was glad you posted?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
