I've been reading you for the past couple of weeks and I just wanted to let you know that regardless of how painful this obviously is for you, you are really learning good techniques that will help you stay the course.
Quote: So I'm just going to keep on doing that and keep my countdown going to Hawaii. (It's officially Sunday now, so 3 weeks and 5 days until Hawaii... )
Tambear, it's really important to count the baby steps, but it's also important to live through this period without expectations.
You've had a lesson tonight in how men who are having affairs stall, rather than deal with conflict. The fact that he put off telling you he wasn't going to dinner until so late indicates to me that here is a man who will avoid conflict at any cost. That may mean with both you and ow.
I know he told you he's going to Hawaii with you and that you'll be going as a couple, but he also told you he was going to dinner with you tonight.
I don't say this to upset you or to dash your hope - rather to curb your expectations.
He is having a personal crisis at the moment. He has been dealing with the awareness of the growing cleavage in your marriage for signficantly longer than you have and he's at a different place in his journey. He seems to be just avoiding conflict wherever possible.
I think you mentioned in an earlier post that he has some issues with communication and has traditionally been silent, or less than direct, when discussing stuff in your marriage that bothered him. I'm guessing those communication skills haven't become any stronger during the separation and it may be that there is still a lot going on in his head that he's not letting on.
You've read DB again and you know what to do. You also know to believe little of what they say and only some of what they do.
You are very early in this crisis and there may be a ways to go before it sorts itself out. Please don't have such high expectations, you'll burn yourself out.
Good luck, V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
