So I called H at around 6:40 pm tonight to let him know I was home getting ready and to remind him of the time, since I know he gets busy working a lot and loses track of time. He told me that he was working at his sibling's house and needed to help out a bit there and would call me in a bit. He didn't seem very happy, and I got kind of a weird feeling from it, but I "acted as if" and just let it go.

He called back at about 7:20 pm and I answered the phone upbeat and cheerful and asked him how it was going. He said he was really tired (uh-oh). I told him I was sorry and that I appreciated him working so hard. He said he didn't think he wanted to go out tonight. I asked him why, and he said (something to the effect of) he wanted to get things resolved with the OW and that tonight was an opportunity for him to do that. I said that I certainly was eager for him to do that but that if he told me this and then didn't do it that I would be disappointed. He said he was planning on talking with her.

I told him that I didn't want him to not go out with us because he thought there was going to be any pressure from me, that I just wanted to go out with our friends and have a good time. He said no, that he understood that. He said he still wanted me to go and have a good time and laugh some and that HE APPRECIATED HOW UNDERSTANDING I HAVE BEEN LATELY! I calmly said thank you and let it go. I then reiterated that I would be disappointed if he didn't go and then didn't talk to her, and he said that wasn't his plan, and I also reiterated that there would be no pressure from me if he did go, and he again said that he knew that.

I also during the course of the conversation when he said he was going to talk to her said something like "I thought you were tired." He said that he is tired and thinks this is part of why he is so tired (meaning that he needs to take care of this).

I then reminded him about a dinner meeting we have tomorrow (Sunday) night, which he remembered.

So I just told him something like that if he did talk to her I was here for him in whatever way he needed me and that I was sorry for both of their hurt and I was here for him. He said thank you, and we hung up.

I then called my friends that I was scheduled to go out with and told them H had gotten busy and wondered if it was okay if we still went out without him, and they said yes.

So I called H back and told him that I was still going out and that I had also thought about what I had just said to him and that I wanted to tell him that he needs to do whatever he needs to do and that I wasn't going to be upset with him if he didn't talk to the OW tonight and that I hoped he had a good night. He said thank you, and we hung up.

I felt a sense of peace after we talked, partly because I hoped he would talk to her and partly because I was glad that while I initially put a bit of pressure on him (by telling him that I would be upset if he didn't come out with us tonight and then didn't talk to her - I obviously wasn't expecting him to tell me he was going to talk to her tonight, and I gut-reacted without thinking), but I then recognized that that was wrong and corrected it to the best of my ability. I DO honestly want him to do this because he wants to do this.

I had a nice time with my friends. While thoughts popped into my mind throughout the night, I worked hard to push them away and put this in God's hands and just pray that this will be over soon and he'll be home.

I had fleeting thoughts that I just hoped that he would not do something as horrible as tell me he was going to talk to her just because he wanted to spend the evening with her instead? I caught him during some snooping I did several weeks ago in a lie of telling me he was going out with his friends when he was really spending the evening with her. I called him on it, and he admitted to lying. I told him that I knew he was spending time with her and that I would rather him just tell me the truth than to lie to me. He said okay, but at the same time, I know he keeps telling me that he doesn't want to hurt me... So I kept having this thought that he made plans with her and didn't want to lie to me so just told me he was going to talk to her because he knew I wouldn't be upset about that? But then I kept catching myself and thought that I need to take what he said and did as a very positive thing and accept it at face value. There's nothing I can do about it, so I'll look at the glass as half full and hope for the best, and if the worst comes of it at a later point, I'll know that then and can deal with it then. Right now I just need to believe what he told me and hope he was being honest with me.

So on my drive home tonight there was a small part of me that hoped his car would be in the driveway when I got home. However, I told myself that I didn't expect it would be, that it's easier to keep expecting the worst right now and be elated when the best happens than the other way around.

As I suspected, he is not home. I still have a feeling of peace and pray that even if he didn't talk to her tonight it will be soon. I don't think he would be cruel enough to tell me he was ditching our evening to talk to her and then not do it at least sometime in the near future, but I don't understand most of what is happening right now, so I'm just going to keep on track myself.

I also can't help thinking that this was the first night that we were going out socially with friends since this happened and "miraculously" this is the night he decides to talk to her? That's why I told him that I didn't want him to not go because he thought I would pressure him. I did believe him when he told me that he knew that wasn't the case, but I just don't know... Maybe the fact that this was the first social outing planned with friends made him WANT to take care of this before we do those sorts of things together? Who knows. As I said, I can't second guess what he said and just have to hope he was being honest with me and that this is a good step for us.

I was very grateful that he thanked me for being understanding lately, so I know that my backing off, even though I haven't been perfect, has been noticed. So I'm just going to keep on doing that and keep my countdown going to Hawaii. (It's officially Sunday now, so 3 weeks and 5 days until Hawaii... )

I know that it's really important that I give him space tomorrow (Sunday). I know I'll see him tomorrow night at our business meeting, so I'm going to be very diligent about making sure I don't contact him tomorrow during the day. I will have to contact him later in the evening if he hasn't contacted me so that we can discuss the meeting plans, but I will wait until the last possible minute in hopes that he will contact me before then. And when I do talk to him, I won't ask him what happened tonight. If he brings it up, great. Otherwise, I'll just let it go and will keep fighting this fight...

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know what happened and see what you thought about his actions. I would love some feedback.