Thanks, 81388. I appreciate your post and am so sorry to hear about your situation. At least your W is staying at home - my H is not. Although I see him pretty much daily since we have a business together, he stays almost every night with her (and the other night she is not staying with me, but at the office or somewhere else).
I know I need to stop worrying about what he is doing, saying, the OW, etc. I am by nature a huge worrier and am very emotional. I know for some people it's probably very easy to feel "scorned" and just say "screw this" and turn the other cheek and go on with making themselves better people and doing all of the things we're supposed to do when we are DBing. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself or my actions; I'm merely saying that while I do feel scorned and am angry, I also feel incredibly guilty for my part in all of this and am eager to work on making things better and am so extremely emotional that it's very difficult to just turn into a raving mad woman and tell him where to go, etc. This, indeed, is the worst thing I've ever had to deal with. I can only hope that it was meant to be to both make me a stronger person and to be the stepping stone to making our marriage something magical.
It's good that your W has limited physical contact with the OM. Like I said, feel good that she is at least staying at home. I can't tell you what a horrible feeling it is to know that your S is in the arms of someone else almost every single night - especially when that S has told you that they have made up their mind to come back to you but are just waiting until the "planets align" to tell the OP! That is an absolutely gut-wrenching feeling and one that I will not soon forget. Granted, my H has NOT said that he does not want to be with me anymore, but with your W at home, there is still so much hope for you. Hang in there, and keep DBing!
Yes, we are going to Hawaii together, thank God. We have had this trip planned for months (way before all hell broke loose with this). I have asked him numerous times if he wants to cancel the trip, and he says no, that everything is going to be fine and resolved with her by then and that we are not going just as friends or as business partners. I pray this will come to fruition and that, as you said, our time away will be much needed and we will use it to start the healing process. We are going to where we got engaged, which we haven't been since we got engaged, so I hope it will somehow reignite a spark in both of us for us to build upon.
Have you ASKED for a hug or to go to dinner or lunch? Have you asked to spend some time together doing something fun with promises of no talk about your R or the OM? I know that I'm not supposed to be doing that right now with my situation, but since your W is staying at home with you, maybe you should try it?
Anyway, thanks again for stopping by my thread. I wish you all the best in your situation as well. You hang in there, too!
