Tambear; I don't know if I have any specifics for you, other than more of the same. Your last post was a long one, and that is OK with me, but I didn't see a lot of GAL in it. I am very new to this so I am probably not the one to give advice, but I would stop worrying about what he is doing, thinking, saying to OW and get on to the business of YOU.
I have had the same struggles, being happy and upbeat feels like I am condoning the behavior, but at the same time it reinforces that it is their behavior and I have no controll over it.
I have told my W several times that how I am acting is how I choose to act. I have also told her not to misinterpret it to mean that I don't care, only that I refuse to be that other person. For the most part it has helped, much more pleasent to be together, we still live together, and other than phone, she has limited physical contact with him(out of state)
I would say several of your H actions would be baby steps, what I would give for a hug at this point, or lunch or dinner just the two of us.
Are you both planning on Hawaii? That souds really promising if so. I think all of this would be much easier if we could just get our S alone for any period of time.
In my case, it is really frustrating because other than the fact that she wants to D, we have a good time together, I have to keep fighting the urge to ask her "why are we doing this again?" Our kids seem to have the same question.
I think part of my problem is being too available, but with both of us at home, and 3 kids, it is hard to just GAL. Maybe that is part of the puzzle for you as well, just not being available. I know that is really hard for me, when every fiber of your being is yelling "DO SOMETHING!"
Just keep reminding yourself that you can only controll YOU. What he does is up to him.
