As always, thanks Whatsis. You have been so kind to stick with me the past 24 hours. Your encouragement has inspired me and made me stronger. Thank you for that.
I have read Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus, and I do understand the communication differences between men and women and that men frequently want to just fix things and get on with it. I guess most of the time I don't feel like he gives me ANY feedback, but maybe I'm just not listening because I'm so into my own need to vent that I don't hear what he DOES say, as little as it may be. I will work on observing this more when we do have our next such conversation and see what I can ascertain. Thank you for the advice. It's so nice to have some guidance and support - thank you.
I just got home from our dinner - it was great! We talked mostly business but did talk about Hawaii a bit, as I needed to ask him some questions and the final travel arrangements. I asked him if he thought we would just cancel if things weren't "resolved" by then. He said they would be resolved by then! He didn't say he thought they would be resolved or we'll see if they're resolved or any kind of a possible out, so that was great and really made my night. I'm not saying that something may not still happen, because I know anything goes at this point in my upside down world. I then asked one more question (sorry) and asked if we would just be going as friends, and he said no! Yeah! Baby step. That was it! I didn't ask any other R questions and didn't bring up the OP one time! We just talked about business the rest of the evening. We really didn't talk about much else, so I didn't get a chance to laugh with him or whatnot but made sure I was upbeat and on-task. I also made sure to go to the rest room a few times to make sure he saw me in my outfit...
As far as leaving tonight, it was kind of a "natural" break in the evening, as we finished dicussing the business items on my list, and then we both kind of turned to leave from there. He walked out the door ahead of me while I was gathering my paperwork. When I walked out the door, he was standing in the parking lot waiting for ME and reached out to give me a hug. I thanked him for the evening and for dinner and for meeting with me, and he said "thank you, sweetie." Then we said we'd see each other later and parted ways. Considering the circumstances of where we're at, I know it seems small, but it was a perfect night for me at this stage in the game, and I am on cloud 9. I think maybe for the first time I actually see an END to all of this, or at least an end to him not being at home and us working on this - the rest of this is still a huge uphill battle to engage in, of which I hope you all will continue to help me. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I am so incredibly tired right now (could be in part the two wine coolers I had with dinner, too - trying to "loosen up"...) BTW, I had to bring the wine coolers in for myself, as we ate somewhere where they didn't have them, and I don't like beer. I had one left, and he asked me when we left what I wanted to do with it. I said I didn't know, and he said he'd keep it in his car for me for the next time we smuggled it in. Again, I know this is small, but it felt nice that he even thought about "next time."
You know, as I think about this, I feel like we ARE at the beginning of a relationship again because I'm noticing all of these small little things that I remember noticing at the beginning of our relationship - things you take for granted as time goes on. Even though we are certainly no where near out of the woods yet and who knows what tomorrow or next week or next month will bring, I still feel like a teenager again... For now, I will enjoy the moment and just hope it leads to more and remember what a great feeling this is and that I need to do more of whatever it is that makes me feel this way as we continue along this journey.
This has been a great day, and I have you all to thank for it. I didn't do perfect , but I did do better. I will continue to work towards your advice and will continue to be stronger with each day.
Was too tired to shop for new clothes tonight but will do so in the next few days... Have to keep looking nice for him so that he notices.
Thanks again. I'm going to bed now to hopefully have the best night's sleep I've had since this all happened... Thank you so much for your strength.
