What I meant about pushing him into the affair was not that you forced him, but you did direct him...one thing in life that is a given: 1) taxes 2) death 3) poor married sex life, the man or woman will go elsewhere for it.
You admitted that you were bored with your ML, think how he felt, knowing that his wife was bored - it does wonders for his masculinity...thus, he found someone who probably tells him he is terrific in bed - sort of someone's trash is another's treasure...
From what you have posted, it seems that: 1) You talk him to death, thus he remains silent 2) Your sex life was poor 3) You run the show at home 4) You probably plan out everything for him 5) You don't listen to him, nor "hear" what he says 6) You're panicking now - showing rampid desperation 7) You have ignored his feelings 8) You have not nurtured him 9) You're bossy - not much compromising
I don't know you...but this is how you come across. This is not to hurt you - nor, make you feel bad...just a great observation.
Now, to change you:
1) Do not initiate any phone calls 2) Keep a positive attitude, like nothing happened 3) Don't talk about the R - at all, not even Hawaii 4) Dress nicely 5) No more snooping 6) When you do see him, be quiet, yes, be quiet - let him start the conversation 7) When he does speak - listen to him - do not formulate anything in your mind on what to say next - just listen 8) Validate anything he has said or done at work, nicely 9) Lose the deperate feeling, the panic, the needy feeling that he senses from you 10) If there is a lull in any conversation with him - please do not feel the need to chatter.
Men are more direct in their communication to others - we as women have the need to spell out everything. Men do not like endless chatter.
You need to appear more mysterious to him; don't tell him everything about what you do, where you go, how you feel.
He said to you - be what you were in the beginning. That means, be the innocent newly-wed, non-clingy, excited, happy, in love with life, treating him like a king, letting him run the show, letting him drive the marriage, sweet, loving, person...not the endless questions, expectations, chitter chatter, ice queen, you are now.
Men need to feel like the knight with silver armour, not that they are run-down by an overly aggressive woman...they had that before - it was called mother. He is your partner in life - not your errand boy.
Whew - does this make sense, Tam? You need to trace back to the times when you first married - how exciting and the fun you both had.
