Thanks so much for your encouragement, Whatsis! I dropped in to say hello and had some mild successes! I did not even bring up the fact that he did not call me back to go to dinner last night - he didn't either, so I just let it go. I was smiling and happy and laughing. I told him some stories about some funny things our house cleaner did at our house this morning. We actually laughed together! It was so rewarding - I know it's small, but it helped so much. Inside I was dying, but outside I acted like I was perfectly happy. I talked to him about some work stuff and then told him I had some work planning to go over with him and asked if he was up for dinner tonight for a "business meeting." He said yes! (Granted, he said yes last night, too, and didn't call, but we had a pretty bad encounter yesterday morning.) Today went well, so I'm hoping he'll call. He said he'd call me later to confirm the time but to figure around 5:30 to 6. Yeah! We have been having business lunch and dinners up until now, so it's not a huge breakthrough or anything, but it feels nice to have plans with him that he will hopefully stick to today.

Also, when I left, I know I shouldn't have, but I needed by "reassurance fix." But since he is a laid back, fun-loving guy, I decided to put a twist on it. Rather than being all serious and asking him about it, I simply asked him if he wouldn't mind giving me a hug and my "daily reassurance fix" with a smile on my face. He smiled back at me and gave me a nice hug and whispered in my ear when he was hugging me that I looked good! Yeah!!!! My hard work getting ready today and attempting to look nice for him paid off. I was getting worried that he wasn't going to notice or say anything, and when he did, my heart melted. I didn't make a big deal of it and just thanked him. He hasn't told me I looked nice for probably a month and a half, even though I have on occasion made extra efforts to dress up nice, so today meant a lot to me. He told me that everything was still fine. I asked him if he was still planning on talking to her and coming home soon, and he said yes, and I thanked him and stopped and left it at that. I know, I shouldn't have asked, but I kept it bried and light-hearted and moved on. (baby step) I also during our conversation asked him a question about our car rental for our upcoming Hawaii trip (five weeks from this Friday and counting!), and we talked about the car and made jokes about all the luggage I would have and that we might need a bigger car for it. I asked him if it was okay to go ahead and finalize the reservations, and he said yes. Thank God. So I just have to pray that things will at least be going in the right direction by then, knowing that even so, we still have so much work and healing to do.

I don't think I mentioned that we got engaged in Hawaii, and we haven't been back since. We are going there this time for a real estate education seminar and are going to Maui for that but scheduled a "side trip" beforehand to Kona, which is where we got engaged. We're staying there for two nights before going to Maui for the seminar. We scheduled this AFTER I found out about the OP. I asked him about it and whether he wanted to schedule something to Kona at the same time, and he said yes, that he thought that would be a good thing. Again, a great step in the right direction, but that happened quite a while ago now (probably a month or so). Nonetheless, I feel blessed that he said we could do this and just pray that it still comes through. I hope he is home and we are working on things way before then, but if I at least know that that end is the worst it may be, that helps. I do realize that obviously all hell could break loose and that we may have to cancel the trip as well, but it doesn't do me any good to focus on that possibility right now, and since he's still saying we're going, I will continue to look at the glass half full.

At any rate, I am looking forward to him hopefully calling to confirm dinner tonight. I will work hard to just talk about business and have fun and be light-hearted - no R or OP talk whatsoever. I want him to see that we can have fun together. Wish me luck, and thanks so much for helping me be brave today. I have to admit that today has been a much better day for me. Since I got all dressed up, I just feel better about myself. I also called some friends to schedule a get-together with them. (H said he will go, too! ) Baby steps. Baby steps. For now, I will treasure the memory of his smile today and the words of him telling me I look good today. After dinner, I am going to go buy some new sexy clothes and keep this up! God, please grant me patience and help him to find his way back into my arms...