tambear, believe me, we all understand the terrible pain you are suffering. This is one of the most heartwrenching things you can ever go through. BUT to work on saving your M means to do things differently. As I previously said, your attempts to bring him home through emotional pleas etc IS NOT WORKING! So, do something else. We are suggesting that you back off and let him decide, do not pressure or plead. Start to show that you are someone he will WANT to return to. I know doing the opposite of what you feel seems wrong, but it honestly is not, it may be the best way to get him off OW's couch and back into your arms. As far as you being responsible for the A, to some degree we are all responsible for what our S's have done. For some reason, we did not do what needed to be done to make our R's fulfilling, we messed up our part and that part is our responsibility. Our S's chose to start new R's, that was wrong but that is their poor choice to bare. Only when we recognize our responsibility in what happened can we begin to forgive. Without forgiveness (to ourselves and our spouses) we can't begin healing our M's. Now, I think you are recognizing all the right things about yourself, your M and your behaviours so it's time to do the hard stuff and turn it around! Take care.
