Thanks, Tom. I can't help but feel desperate - I feel like my world is in a million pieces. Michele says that you need to let yourself go through all of the emotions, and I guess that is one of them. My marriage and my life with him means so much to me, and it was such a relief to find Michele's book and feel like there is still hope for us. Michele's words resonated with me so deeply. She gave me permission to feel all of these things without guilt, anticipated what I was thinking and feeling, and gave good advice on what to expect and what to do about it. She gave and gives me hope. Her belief in marriage was so inspiring and uplifting to me. I guess that's what I've been trying to say is that while I know I have to do some very difficult things in hopes of getting my husband back, I don't want to think of it in a way that I'm "letting go" and "moving on" and those sorts of things. I want to work on saving my marriage and not on being a better person so that I can go on by myself. That is not what this journey is about for me. It's about being a better WIFE, person, friend, and lover so that I can bring a my marriage back and make it magical. THAT is what I want to work towards. Am I desperate for this? Absolutely. Because it means so much to me. I hope that makes sense. My desperation is because I care so much, and that means a lot to me to care so much about my marriage.

As far as getting back to me, I will work towards that. It's very, very hard, and I know I need to make myself a more attractive option for him than the other person. Right now he's going to her I'm sure in part because there is no conflict, she is happy when she's around him, etc. I need to be that way around him for now, as hard as it may be, so that I can provide that to him as well. Hopefully as I work at that it will help.

He does keep saying that he wants the "old me" back, and although I need to understand more about what that exactly is, what he has told me so far is about the sex drive and being more outgoing. I will work on doing what I can do be sexy to him since I can't make love to him right now, and I am working on being more outgoing. I hope in time he will notice. I will look for small changes. It's just so hard to "be myself" when my heart is in a million pieces. Somehow I will continue to muster up the strength and the courage to continue this fight. I will not give up and will count down to Hawaii like a child counts down to Christmas... Thank you for your support and encouragement.