Thanks, Whatisis. That really helped. I will think about what it is when (rarely) I am able to concentrate on something else. It doesn't happen often, but I'll think about that and work on repeating it. I do go to the gym five mornings a week, and that helps some, although on my "trying" days, all I can do is think about getting out of there. Although I am not an avid church-goer, I have been praying a lot lately. God has really been the only one for me to talk to since I have not told another single person what I'm going through. For now, it helps for me to think about the promise he has vowed to keep to come back to us and also about our upcoming trip to Hawaii in February. Right now, it feels like that is an eternity away, but he's told me he still wants to go, so I just have to hold on and pray that all will be on the way to recovery by then. I want so badly for it to be sooner than that and hope that as I work towards backing off of him that it will happen sooner. He keeps telling me that he thought he would have talked to her by now and is angry at himself. It may be that my pressuring him is why he hasn't talked to her. He told me that he enjoys being with her because there is no "grilling" and no questions and answers. Of course there's not - she thinks everything is fine! I've asked him if he's thought about the fact that he's not being fair to her either in that he has known for weeks now (supposedly) that he is going to give us another chance yet has not told her this and has rather kept building a relationship with her. He said he knew it wasn't fair and that he knew he needed to tell her. I asked him this morning if he was telling her the same thing he was telling me (that he wasn't going to stay with ME and was going to leave me and was just trying to find the right time, place, etc., to tell me that). He said no. I asked him if the reason he hadn't told her yet was because he enjoyed being with her and didn't want to hurt her or whether it was because he really has no plans of breaking things off with her and was scared to tell me that or whether it was something else. He said it was more of the first option and that it had been hard to find the right time. He did tell me that he had "started" to talk to her about their situation a few nights ago but had not told her that he was going to give us another chance yet. I want so badly to believe what he is telling me but know that I will not know for sure until he walks back through that door. My heart tells me that that will happen, and for now I guess I just need to keep holding on to that positive thought and look forward to Hawaii! I will work on doing things that help me cope and keep my mind off of it and will work on not pursuing him and being positive, upbeat, and sexy when I am around him. Thanks again for your encouragement.
