Thanks so much for that kick in the butt! Sorry for the long post - since it was my first one, I needed to tell the whole story up until now. Shorter from here on out, I promise!
I will work towards backing off of him, accepting that I won't be perfect. This is definitely the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I know I need to do it to save my marriage.
Do you think that it's safe to believe his continued promise that he will come back to me when he's ready? I'm so afraid that if I back off of him that he won't think that I care and that he'll think that I'm all right with him just continuing to stay with her. I feel so insecure and lonely.
As far as taking care of me, I know I need to do that. As I mentioned, I did go back to the gym and am eating better and feel great as far as that goes. The two things that he has told me so far that he wants me to work on are obviously the sex drive issue and also that he wants me to be more outgoing. When we first met, I would let my hair down sometimes when we would go out, and now I rarely if ever do so. I want to work on what Michele talks about as far as figuring out what she has that I don't and work on those traits so that he'll notice. However, does anyone have any suggestions on how I can do this? I don't know how to work on the sex drive until he officially comes back to me, as he told me he feels like he's cheating on her if he's with me. Should I maybe buy some new clothes to freshen up my look a little bit? I did wear just the top of a piece of lingerie the other night to surprise him at his office. I showed him and said that I knew he couldn't do anything about it and that I wasn't asking him to but that I just wanted him to know that I was still thinking about it. He didn't seem too thrilled with that... I'm not sure how to show my interest in sex to him in a "safe" way. I certainly don't want him to do anything that he doesn't want to do, yet I want him to see that I'm working on it.
How about the other item of being more outgoing? He has been fine with going out with me to dinner engagements with business colleagues and whatnot, at which point I've made it a point to have a drink or two and let go a bit. Should I continue to do that so that he can see that I'm working on it?
Finally for now, I was thinking of asking him for a "compromise" whereby if he could give me a date that he chooses that he would commit to making sure he resolves things with her that I would not talk to him about it and would give him his space to do what he needs to do. That way, I have the reassurance and security of knowing an end date to this that I can look forward to, which will help me, and he will be left alone by me so that he can sort through this. What do you think?
