Hummmm.... your husband sounds really confused. I hope you've gotten a chance to read some books on affairs and are getting some insight into their dynamics. Your husband's relationship with this woman sounds very addictive and codependent at this time.

Is there any way he can take a break from his cell phone and you guys can just spend some time trying to be friends for awhile? Take some of the focus off the A and just listen to him talk about work, his thoughts, dreams, things that bother him, things that make him happy. Just be a good listener, ask questions and work on a friendship.

Regardless of where your marriage goes, this will be good for your child. When my husband and I were in the midst of D (and he was emotionally more connected to OW) I just focused on being his friend... and a good deal of it was for my children. I had to put aside my anger and hurt. One thing that helped was realizing that my husband had a problem. When you get married there's those words about being there through illness. Well, I saw this as mental illness. I gave my husband space, but at the same time worked on being his "best friend." In some ways it was a challenge to me. He absolutely hated me at the time and I wanted to see if I could melt that anger and get him to be my friend again. It took a lot of patience, emotional detachement and I had to give up all expectations about my marriage (although I was in a divorce so that did make it a bit easier).

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.