2nd Affair in 2 Years!

[Heywyre]

Now, I'm wondering, since your husband has a problem with this and still wants to work on the marriage, would he be willing to participate in some long-term individual and marital therapy and be willing to share email passwords, allow you access to cell phone messages, etc... to help keep him from future temptation?

We have talked rather extensively about this whole thing. And, like you said, as much as it wasn't easier having to go through this all again, at least I know the "routine" and the time limits it will take. And, I feel I am also dealing with it better the second time around. Still VERY painful but I see different changes in H this time around. I don't think he actually realized the pain he caused me the last time. He seems to be much more remorseful this time around.

As for the "checking part" he doesn't use the computer (thank goodness) and I have been checking his cell bills (he doesn't know I have access to them). However, as part of the DB, I am trying desperately NOT to do that anymore - its tough but it can drive you insane!

However, having said that, it is true that this "problem" he has is like drugs etc. There are a lot of "issues" he has. He's been going to counselling (by himself and together with me) for several months now - even during the last part of the A. However, he confessed to the C (after I confronted him and the bomb hit) it had been going on during the sessions and he told him even right in front of me - so that's a good sign I would think

He has also agreed to talk to me if he feels the "pull" towards calling her and/or doing it again. The C said this is not something he is doing spontaneously, he is giving it some thought before he starts the process. However, the reason he is doing it is actually subconsciously and he doesn't have a total explanation for it right now. There are numerous things (mainly being adopted - there is a whole mess of problems with adoptees and my husband only found out when he was 55 years old - went down hill from there)

So, having said that, if H can consciously be aware of it and talk to me about it as it starts happening, the C is convinced he can break the cycle and change his thought patterns and redirect them away from that type of behaviour.

Sounds easy doesn't it? Ya right!! But, the good news is, H is willing to give it a good effort, he knows he has to or it will ruin not only our M but also his life.