My husband had a second affair too... although there was an 11 year span between the two... but that doesn't necessarily make it any easier.
The only positives in this is I'm more familar with the time span for healing (been there and done that!) and even though a second one makes you feel stupid and "duped" for trusting again, at least it has helped me realize this isn't my fault or because the marriage was "bad." I do think it's more an individual weakness. Kind of like someone who has a problem with drugs or alcohol.
Now, I'm wondering, since your husband has a problem with this and still wants to work on the marriage, would he be willing to participate in some long-term individual and marital therapy and be willing to share email passwords, allow you access to cell phone messages, etc... to help keep him from future temptation?
By the way, I do have a female friend who had three affairs on her husband, almost left the marriage with the last one, but then went into therapy to discover why she was doing this, learned about herself, hasn't had any affairs since, and can't imagine life without her husband.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
