Sorry you are here but the people on this board are the greatest and will give you all the emotional support you could ever imagine. I would have gone insane had I not found this refuge.
I am also dealing with a second A my H has had. You can read my postings under "Am I piecing, I am soooooo confused" which is under the Piecing after the Affair board
It is a tough road but the first thing you have to do is deal with YOU, which is not an easy thing. But, you are no good to yourself, your D or your H (should you decide to fight for your marriage) if you don't take care of YOU first.
My H A's were 4 years apart and I know I never got over the first one totally, which makes this one even harder to swallow because I honestly don't know if I can get through this a second time, and he knows that.
However, having said that, it also depends on how your H is dealing with it. As for the HD and your LD - that's crap!! plain and simple. I have ALWAYS had a much higher drive than my H - but he was the one that had the A - twice!!
Bottom line - your H has to take responsibility for his actions. Going outside the marriage to deal with problems inside the marriage is disfunctional and an excuse, plain and simple - he is trying to point fingers at you for what HE did. And I wouldn't buy it!
You both need to get into counselling if you think would want to save the marriage but if he refuses to do so, going yourself is still a good idea because it will help you to deal with the emotional rollercoaster you are currently on.
I wish you all the best - keep posting
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
