I didn't mean for it to be an ultimatum. I am not sure if she took it as an ultimantum or not. Thats what I was wondering. How could i try to mend out of it as an ultimatum?
the last couple of days I have been back to working on getting back on track and have done good. Yesterday W called and was very hasty at times but I showed my 180 and didnt escalate any.
Well last nigth the OM stayed the night at her house. I dont really care any more about them staying together but last night was the first he stayed at her (our) house and the first my daughter stayed night with them.
W and I have talked about OM and D being around/ having relationship with each other. She had agreed that it is wrong but her actions speak different.
It has only been a little over a month that we have been seperated....Does any body see that having the OM in the picture is damaging for a 4 year old this soon after a seperation?
Like I said...I dont care about them spending nights together any more but with D4 in the house? I feel that I should say something because of my daughter but dont want W to feel that I am just saying what I got to say because of W with OM and with everything that has happened in the past week.
Should I say something? Does anybody besides me veiw this as wrong?
Yes... I would have a HUGE problem with that. After all, what is that teaching your daughter? Yes, she is young.. but, they understand more of the tension and emotions than we think. Personally - I'd have to call her out on that one (in a nice way, course ). After all, no matter what happens to your marriage, you're both still parents and it sure doesn't sound like that's the kind of parent that you want to be..
No that is not the kind of parent I want to be and I dont think that W wants to be either because she comes from parents like that. She says that she agrees with me on D and OMs relationship BUT actions speak louder than words. I dont know if W has trouble telling OM no or if she just doesnt know what she is doing or what.
OM did stay all night at W house with his 4 kids and my D. My D told me that all the kids slept in one room and W and OM in bedroom. Spoke my peice about it didnt get much from W but the excuss because of the ice storm roads were too bad.
Now this week-end W and OM is going with OM mom somewhere for part of the day. Now wait a minute. If she agrees with me of adding others into D's life right now, why in the hell is W adding another to the mix?
I have spoken my peice about the issue and made myself clear with W agreeing with almost everything but her actions speak differ.
My D4 has already had a lot of people come and go in her life already for being so young. She has lost serveral family members and W parents has both had serveral relationships that has disappeared. I know that all these losses does affect her. I have no idea what to do/say that I havent done already.
W and OM has stayed the past five nights together. Out of the five, four of them has been when D is there with them. W said that she talked to D and D is confortable with him staying there and W feels that it is ok if D is ok with it. How can she tell if D is OK with it? D's behaviors has been that she is uncomfortable with being with her mom at all anymore. I dont know what to do. Nothing is going to get though to W about it except her thinking that I am just jeolous.
Talked again this weekend and she stated that she is still upset with the blow up that I had but she "doesn't want to talk about it" Also stated that she thinks that there is no hope for us and the talk that we did before the blow up was just her feeling guilty about all this. This blow up was a major back slid if not the straw that broke the camels back. I am not seeing any more hope here with the D comming next month.
it has been 20 days since the blow up. I have been dark the last 20 days exspecially the last week. One day out of the 20 I did break and talked a little R talk on my B-day and it was very negative so I backed down fast. She stated that day there was no hope, no chance, no point of any talking, ect...
Really disappoints me because before my blow up we were making so good positive progression. I do belive that if this OM wasnt in the picture that we would be reconsiled or at least working on our issues. I know that we could solve our problems and avoid this D but with him still in the picture we cant.
I have been very dark the past week. She stated to my mom that "I wasnt talking to her" and twice she has mentioned to my mom that she was upset that I didnt call her on my day off. Why in the hell should I if she doesn't want me? She wants me to leave her alone and be done with me but when I do sometimes it drives her crazy. I am sure that giving her space and being dark will probably help ,maybe even work, but I wish she would come around before this D is final.
This D is moving faster and closer. It will probably be final next month sometime.
She stated last night to my mom that we "probably can't work things out right now". I think that she still thinks that she can go off and have her boyfriend and fun for a while and work on us later after this divorce. I don't understand that at all. I have been tring to convince her that I am not going to wait and might not be around but so far havn't been too successful.
I want her to have the feeling of me not being around and her missing me but with him in the picture I dont know if she will.
Hey Brother, I have not posted to you and am not all caught up on your sitch but thought I could give you my 2 cents. Hope you do not mind.
Quote: I have been tring to convince her that I am not going to wait and might not be around but so far havn't been too successful
Once you state that you are not going to wait around on her let it go. Words are only words. She needs to see it through actions. Now I am telling you to go out and pick up someone. What I am telling you is to start moving on with your life for you. Do things for yourself that have nothing to do with her and keep it that way.
Get yourself prepared for life after the D. Be happy with yourself and let her go.
It seems like going dark is working....Look at all of the conv she is having with your mother talking about how you are not talking to her anymore....Seems like it is bothering her to me. But that is just my 2 cents.
Take care , O
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
I have been working at myself and detatching from her. I just have no idea or guess at what she is feeling or thinking anymore. I know that I shouldnt analyize or try figureing it out but still curiousity killed the cat.
). After all, no matter what happens to your marriage, you're both still parents and it sure doesn't sound like that's the kind of parent that you want to be..