it has been 20 days since the blow up. I have been dark the last 20 days exspecially the last week. One day out of the 20 I did break and talked a little R talk on my B-day and it was very negative so I backed down fast. She stated that day there was no hope, no chance, no point of any talking, ect...
Really disappoints me because before my blow up we were making so good positive progression. I do belive that if this OM wasnt in the picture that we would be reconsiled or at least working on our issues. I know that we could solve our problems and avoid this D but with him still in the picture we cant.
I have been very dark the past week. She stated to my mom that "I wasnt talking to her" and twice she has mentioned to my mom that she was upset that I didnt call her on my day off. Why in the hell should I if she doesn't want me? She wants me to leave her alone and be done with me but when I do sometimes it drives her crazy. I am sure that giving her space and being dark will probably help ,maybe even work, but I wish she would come around before this D is final.
This D is moving faster and closer. It will probably be final next month sometime.
She stated last night to my mom that we "probably can't work things out right now". I think that she still thinks that she can go off and have her boyfriend and fun for a while and work on us later after this divorce. I don't understand that at all. I have been tring to convince her that I am not going to wait and might not be around but so far havn't been too successful.
I want her to have the feeling of me not being around and her missing me but with him in the picture I dont know if she will.
