Regardless of what "mode" you are in, you need to get rid of the pain, for YOU, no one else. How he dealt with it has nothing to do with you, his pain and how he dealt with it is completely different than yours.
The cheater's pain (being that my H has explained it to me) is different in that they go through the guilt, the detachment from OP etc. We are dealing with betrayal, shock, anger, disbelief - I could go on, but you know what I mean.
Talking with your H is good but it has to be controlled - my H and I have resisted (so far ) from raising our voices at each other and the talks have been very constructive. However, if you feel you cannot have this type of discussion with him right now, it is best you go for some C on your own to get it out and find a way to be able to do that. If you don't the discussions with your H will be useless and just cause more pain and resentment and perhaps push him away instead of bringing him closer.
Once you have been able to deal with the pain perhaps you will have a clearer picture of what it is YOU actually want. Until that time, you are in too much of a thick fog to make those decisions.
Take care
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
) from raising our voices at each other and the talks have been very constructive. However, if you feel you cannot have this type of discussion with him right now, it is best you go for some C on your own to get it out and find a way to be able to do that. If you don't the discussions with your H will be useless and just cause more pain and resentment and perhaps push him away instead of bringing him closer.