The whole problem is that I thought I knew what I wanted, and now I'm not so sure. And I'm trying to find out if that is normal. But I think you're right, Heywyre, in that I haven't yet dealt with the pain. (I actually started crying while reading your message.) And maybe the pain is also the source of my current confused emotional state. During the affair, I was in divorcebusting mode, suppressing my pain and instead focusing on myself and making myself more interesting to him in the process. Now I need to get out of divorcebusting mode, and quit suppressing all the pain, and it isn't so easy to shift gears. I've been writing down some expressions of pain just for my own release. I think I need to share that with him, for a start. I've suggested a counselor, but he has been reluctant. But he seems open to just talking. It seems that is what I need to do, at least for a start. Thanks for lending some clarity and for your encouragement.
