It is obvious you haven't dealt with the pain from the A - and that is something you definitely have to do to save yourself and your M (if you still want to).
You are still harbouring a lot of pain and until you can let that go, I doubt you will be able to sort out whether or not you want to stay in your M. Does your H know how you feel?
I knew a couple that separated for a while after an A and then got back together. They never dealt with the issues. They didn't think they needed to because it was a couple of years later and thought it had all disappeared. Well it hadn't. It was still as raw as when it happened. Why? because they separated and never dealt with it. Once they reconciled, it was still there and still raw.
I would suggest you both get into some counselling. If your H (and you) are really willing to make a go of this M, you will both be accepting of doing so. At the very least, YOU need to get some C to heal your pain.
I wish you all the best - its a tough road
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
