I posted to this forum a long time ago while my husband was having an affair. My name was "HopefulAndDetermined", because I was still very much in love with my husband after falling in love with him 32 years ago, and I was determined to do the Divorcebusting thing to get him back. But in my own heart of hearts I never dreamed that the affair would end, because he had thought it was real love and that our marriage was over.
But the affair did end. And now he says that he has fallen back in love with me. In the meantime, the affair took so long that I changed radically. I lost 25 pounds and dyed my hair to its previous color. I travelled on vacation outside the country by myself. I met other interesting men on the web and in person, and became close friends with a couple of them. I started making plans to retire sooner than I had thought and to live a freer life. I am feeling exceedingly restless for adventure, and even for maybe having an affair. I feel like I will be cheating myself out of my own life if I have to go back to my previous state. And the affair was so painful that I still feel deep wounds. It happened just after my mother died and while my father was dying, and his behavior seemed so heartless. Also, he had been laid off and I was supporting him through the entire affair. He was not working while I was slaving my life away to support both of us. My therapist at the time had told me that he was just using me, that his behavior amounted to emotional abuse.
At this point he thinks everything is fine, and that he is back in love with me. I am feeling deep pain and restlessness. Sometimes I have thought about getting up in the middle of the night and just going out somewhere. Sometimes I have thought about leaving everything and everyone behind and just disappearing. And I have felt a strong pull towards the first couple of men I have met.
Is all this normal? Does anyone have any perspective or advice on this? Has anyone experienced anything similar?
