Having a bad, bad day

[missmyhusband]

Lizarina!

I've been thinking of you the last few months. I'm sad to see you back here, but glad you stopped to tell us how you are.

The only thing that slightly keeps me hanging on is this - he filed for divorce a year ago, but has done NOTHING since then. He says he wants a divorce, but I just feel like if he really did, it would be done and over by now. Am I just deluding myself?

I find it odd that he hasn't done anything with the divorce proceedings. Almost like he isn't 100% certain about this. I don't think you are deluding yourself. The hard part is knowing exactly WHY he hasn't finalized it. You and I both live in Southern California, and you know as well as I do how easy it is to fianlize a divorce here.

Now he's moved an hour away and e-mailed me a couple of months ago saying that he's decided to have no more communication with me because he needs to "take care of himself." So, that's it in a nutshell.

What does he mean by "take care of himself"? Is he in some sort of treatment for depression? Did he see communication with you as not good for him? This seems strange.

I hate days like today - days of crying and crying. I feel like the pain is just never going to end. And I worry that if I ever do find anyone else, I'm just going to compare them to my H - the true love of my life. I just feel like I got such a raw deal. I feel worse today than I have in a long, long time. There is nothing I want more than to be with him again some day, but I don't want to put all my faith in the chance that it will work out. I'm lonely and I don't want to feel like this forever. But every time I tell myself to move on, I just get this niggling feeling that it's not over. If he truly wants it to be over, then why can't he just finish the job and end it??? GAH! This truly blows. No one deserves this sh*t.

Girl, I could have written all of that myself. Except that my H is pushing very hard for the divorce to be final soon. I also have this small voice in my head that says he will come to his senses someday. I just don't know when that someday will be.

How's your support system? What can you do to make yourself feel better?