Quote: I think it would be ok to have expectations if we could controll our expectations, if they don't turn out the way we want.
No, it would not be ok to have expectations about what someone else will do, or how they'll behave.
The important word here is WANT. You said at the end of that "..if they don't turn out the way we WANT."
If all you are doing is WANTING, without the extra baggage of EXPECTING that what you want is going to happen, then fine. The problem is that most of the time we allow simple desire to turn into something much more insideous.
For example (from my personal expereience)...
The day begins and I get it into my mind that I want to ML with my W. Already, my mind starts working out how that might happen. As the day wears on, nothing detracts me from that thinking. Soon, my desire starts to turn into this intricate idea of how this WILL happen, thus expectation.
Dinner time comes and goes. The kids go to bed. We watch some TV, etc, all the while, my mind is set on what WILL happen next.
This does two things to me. First, it sets me up for a HUGE fall if what I KNOW will happen does not, and more importantly (at least in terms of the demise of my marriage) since I already KNOW we will ML, I do virtually NOTHING to help it happen.
You get the picture.
If I mearly WANT to ML, without letting that want turn to need or expectation, then I am good because I can then just express my desire without the implied pressure of her living up to some grand plan I have.
