Renewing in 07 or silence

[Heywyre]

I was totally shocked, never mind surprised. It is so, so out of character for him. To this day he still talks about other people when he hears what they did to their spouse. Every once in a while, at the beginning just after the bomb, I used to say "isn't that the pot calling the kettle black" - but I refrain from that because it is just salt in the wound.

I don't think HE ever recovered from the first time. He was going through business partner problems, depression, major car accident (while he was driving, I was passenger - I think he felt guilt from that even though it wasn't his fault as we were at a red light). Then he went through a really bad job and got fired (for voicing his opinion) and that is the first time in 40 years of his life - it really took a chunk out of him and during that time, he also found out he was adopted (at the age of 55 - shocker eh) and no one to ask questions to because both his parents were deceased. I know it seems like I am giving him excuses, but I think anyone would collapse, he just dealt with it a bad way.

His A's were a little different in that he never in a million years (his expression) thought he would leave me, that wasn't in the plan. He never loved either of the women (they were both escorts) although he was involve emotionally for sure, and he contacted them, there was some sex but he was more concerned about trying to help them get out of the business (helping people has always been one of his weaknesses you could say - this time it definitely went way too far). The last one he was involved with, he told her numerous times he couldn't do what he was doing - it was wrong. The PA stopped but the EA continued for another 7 months, including 4½ months after we moved to another city. He used to go see her every Monday (his day off) which is a 3-hour drive each way - nice eh? But he says, and I believe him, there was no sex involved in the last few months. He struggled with telling her everytime he just couldn't do it anymore. But he felt he was helping her pull away from the "business" and he felt sorry for her because she had three kids and a father that didn't support them

Once again, I know it sounds like excuses and they aren't because no matter what the circumstances he was WRONG, plain and simple to do what he did, and he admits it, which is a big step

He has been hurt so badly this time that I think there is actually a chance we could recover - the thought of losing the only thing that ever meant anything to him is devastating to him. He admitted he has never trusted a woman (C says that is from being adopted) and can't remember ever loving anyone (although he had a number of relationships before me, including two other marriages - yes that should have been a trigger eh?) but all in all, he is a wonderful, caring man and I can't imagine my life without him - regardless of whether we stay in a M together or not. I would still want him to be a part of my life.